Happy Birthday To My Blog!

My baby turned FOUR on the third of February! Woohoo! I think I'll buy it a present. And maybe that present will be chocolate. And maybe my blog won't eat it. So maybe I will.

From Jay, not em -

Sorry it's taken forever, but I final fixed your blog. Hopefully, this makes it more readable.

-Jay

Driving Miss Nasty

There's nothing nastier than being stuck in unmoving traffic. Actually...

There's nothing nastier than being stuck in unmoving traffic behind a larger than life truck painted black with fire stickers and other stickers in their back window one claiming that "bad ass boys drive bad ass toys" and other claiming that "bad ass girls drive bad ass toys" and yet another in the middle of them claiming "baby on board" with tires taller than my car leaving their bumper at the height of my car and a disgusting plastic display of male anatomy dangling from their trailer hitch.

I started to dry heave and realized that I had to get out from behind the beast. So I did some quick thinking and even quicker maneuvering and got around him/her/baby and got safely in front of "it".

But as I turned my attention away from the freak show in my rearview mirror and towards the vehicle in front of me I realized that my new companion was only minorly less psychologically damaging than the last. This time it was a disgusting display of female anatomy. And I couldn't help but think I was in the middle of a potentially hazardous situation. But I was stuck. Traffic was gridlocked. So I turned on my stereo as loud as it would play and focused on the tires and pavement in front of me until traffic finally picked up and I was able to drive away just as Haley Joel Osment ran out of that room he had been locked into with those violent ghosts on "The Sixth Sense."

Terrifying.

Which is why I had a sudden desire to move to Maryland after reading this article this morning.

Talk Like a Man

I sound like a guy. I lost my voice on Tuesday (at least I lost the feminine portion of my voice on Tuesday) and it still hasn't decided to come home. My throat doesn't hurt at all. It's kind of scratchy and dry. But it doesn't hurt. So nothing kept me from doing my regular amount of oral reading and lecturing all week in the classroom. (Although it would be hard to convince somebody that I've never had a cigarette in my life.)

On Thursday I apologized to one of my classes. "Sorry, guys. I don't know why I still sound like a guy. You'll just have to deal with it I guess."

One of my students replied, "That's okay Miss Hansen. You usually have a little girl's voice. Now you just sound grown up."

"Oh... thanks."

Sick... Again.

I've been home sick the last two days. I've got the flu. Again. But as much as it sucked being sick. I choose illness over work. It might be time for me to look for a new job. I'm thinking Issaquah. Or Bellevue. Or something. But that's besides the point. Over the last three days as I layed on my couch watching old episodes of the Golden Girls I couldn't help but think... I miss my Provo friends... and even... a little tiny bit... I miss Provo itself.

Pajamas and Locked Doors

It's Spirit Week again at the middle school. And today was pajama day. Again. Today I chose my striped pajama pants and my new baby blue robe, baby blue slippers and baby blue eye mask thing. I was ready to roll. I took the elevator down to the parking garage and as I walked to my car I thought it might be a good idea to take off my robe on my way to work since my car can get pretty warm in the morning. So, I unlocked my passenger door and started to disrobe (haha). Since I had put my keys in one pocket and my cell phone in the other I had a very clear and loud voice in my head say, "Em... remember to take out your keys before you lock the door." I reached in my pocket, pulled out my cell phone and shut the door. The door closed in slow motion and the "No!" I yelled was low, long and dramatic.

I was locked out of my car.

I was locked out of my building (my key card was attached to my actual keys).

And I was in my pajamas.

"No way that just happened." I was staring at my car in disbelief when out of the corner of my eye I saw the red lights of a car about to back out. I ran over, rapped on the passenger window of the car and pleaded for help. "Hi... Hi... excuse me. Sorry. You see, I locked myself out of my car. Do you know what time the office opens so somebody can help me?" The woman got out of her fancy car, looked me up and down and said, "Did you sleep in your car?"

"What?! No... I'm a teacher. It's Spirit Week. Pajama Day. Look, would you please let me in the building? My cell phone won't work in the garage and I'm going to need to call my dad for the spare."

"I guess so." She reluctantly walked to the doors and scanned me in.

Well, I was still locked out of my car in my pajamas but at least I wasn't locked out of the building any more. Which made me happier... even if I couldn't get into my apartment. I called my dad and begged for his help which would include almost an hour trip during rush hour to deliver the spare. (What a nice dad!)

Then I had to call work since I would undoubtedly be late. And I had to tell them WHY I would be late. As the person who received my message relayed it back to me to "clarify", I could already hear the office filling up with an entertained crowd of my co-workers. Later, I would be repeatedly teased and mocked for being "special" like my students. I liked it. :)

As I waited for my dad to arrive, there wasn't much to do. Everything I had was either locked in my car or locked in my apartment so I took myself down to the gym down the hall and walked on the treadmill for an hour until I got the call that my dad was in front of the building. I burned 277 calories. I feel robbed.

Also, today was a half day (for my students) and so I had to spend the second half of it at a long and dreadfully boring meeting... in my pajamas. And then I had to go to another two-hour meeting with the district... in my pajamas. I was warm and comfortable and mocked mercilessly from 7:30am to 6:00pm. Ahhh... priceless.

So Happy

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/01/24/germs.sponges.reut/index.html

I Hate My Car

I hate my car. I hate my car. I hate my car. I hate my car. I hate my car. I hate my car.

I REALLY hate my car. I tried to drive to the grocery store today but was worried about the snowy hill I'd have to go up. The hill looked fine but my car still wouldn't make it. Because it was overheating. AGAIN!

How am I supposed to get to work tomorrow? (If there IS work.)

Who wants to go car shopping with me this coming weekend?

Also... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANN-MARIE!!! I heart you.

Sparks Obsessed

I found a new web site. And I'm obsessed with it. You can find it at www.sparkpeople.com. It's a website created to help people lose weight but it's gained a lot more attention from people who are just trying to live a healthier life. It tracks what food you eat along with all the numbers associated with your food (calories, fat, carbs, protein, vitamins, minerals) and also how much you exercise in order to give you a clear picture of what your body is running on every day. But it's not annoying. Also, it has this point system where you get points for doing certain things on the site (tracking your food, drinking enough water, etc) and then if you join a team (like one I just created today) then you can see how many points other people in your team have and make a competition out of it. Being competitive in nature, this appeals to me. Wanna play?

Go to this site to join the team right away!
http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_individual.asp?gid=7189&gcode=SYYX2HMRCL

When registering type in "TacomaTeacher" as the referral so I can find you once you're on.

Maschoolital

I had a dream last night. It was mostly about me craving Gandolfo's. I miss it and since the only location in WA is all the way in Redmond I haven't had a Gandolfo's sandwich since before I moved away from Provo in August. Anyway, you'll never believe where I finally found one in my dream. It was in the food court inside a Maschoolital. The building was part mall, part school and part hospital. It was everything I loved and hated all rolled into one building. I shopped, worked (mostly kept having to search for my students in the mall portion) and avoided doctors all night trying to find Gandolfo's. And I finally did. But woke up right before I got to eat my sandwich! Tragic!!!

Weathering the Storms

It's been a while. But for those of you who listened to my record backwards and heard "Em is dead," rest assured. It was just a hoax. I wasn't really dead.

Washington has been in the news a lot lately. Two weeks before Christmas we were hit by a huge storm. It was hurricane-like in nature and wiped out power in millions of homes. Some of them (including my home town) were without power for almost two weeks. When I listened to the local radio stations I heard people calling in and begging for help. There was no electricity and in some areas there wasn't even water. And temperatures dropped to all-time lows. Several people died from drowning, electric shock, being crushed by trees, carbon monoxide poisoning, etc. Me? I never even lost power. My cable went out for about 10 minutes during the storm, though. Life is hard.

After that, there came Christmas. At least, I think it happened. I have a new GameCube in my apartment. So something happened. But it wasn't the same. Most of the stores were closed for several days before Christmas so shopping was a no-go. Almost everybody's Christmas lights wouldn't glow. And then, of course, there was no Grandma. That sucked.

On the plus side, over Christmas break (I mean Winter break...) I got my own classroom. Before I was sharing a classroom with another teacher and it was divided in half with bookshelves. It was horrible and I hated my life. But now I don't hate it as much.

Today I didn't hate it at all. We're in the middle of another storm. A snow storm this time. And there was no school today. And by the look of it outside right now, there's a huge possibility that my unexpected vacation will be extended by another day tomorrow. Hurray!

Back to my GameCube...

Let It Snow!

I love the snow! Snow, snow, snow! It's so pretty. And although it's wet and cold and slippery, it possesses a power I can't help but love... the power to get me out of having to go to work. In the great Northwest we have lots of hills and our snow is of the wet variety which easily freezes into ice (and it's evil twin "black ice") which would be stupid to drive in. So lots of schools and places of business will close their doors for safety reasons. And what's safer than sitting in your own living room in your new Christmas Snoopy pajamas drinking hot chocolate and watching your favorite Christmas movies? Nothing, my friends. Nothing is safer than that. So tonight I pray for snow!

Ticket Please

We had an assembly today to celebrate the end of this year's fundraiser. A counselor got his head shaved. Another counselor got her hair dyed red. A teacher got his beard shaved. Another teacher gave away a shopping spree. The kids were excited about going. The ones that actually did the fundraiser got a ticket to sit in the best seats on the floor.

I've been working at this school since the beginning of the year. I yell at a hundred kids every day to make them stop running in the hall, or to reprimand them after they're caught screaming profanities or fighting. They usually look at me like I'm a freak and then continue whatever I told them to stop doing.

I guess it's because they think I'm just a random student like them that just happens to think I can tell them what to do. Because today before I entered the gym, the 8th grade ticket collector asked me if I had a ticket. At first I didn't know what to say and there was an awkward pause as he held out his hand waiting and I jumbled around in my pocket for my district ID badge before I finally said, "Wait, I don't need a ticket. I'm a teacher."

Don't worry. There were several other teachers around who heard the exchange and laughed so hard I thought I was going to have to call an ambulence. It's not like they needed another excuse to make fun of me. I'm already known as just "Baby" by a growing number of the staff. Hilarious.

Home Sick

I'm sick. And not just a little sick. I have a flu virus with the nausea inducing flare and energy of Richard Simmons. It knocked on my door briefly during 4th period Thursday afternoon. But I shrugged it off. A three-day weekend was nearing and I had plans. Big plans. Plans that didn't include going to work and will wrestling with middle school kids. So I went to Pounders with the girls and felt fine. Better than fine. The 4th period glich was almost completely forgotten as I drove home Thursday night singing and car dancing to Vanilla Ice (thanks to my new favorite radio station Movin' 92.5). The next morning I felt fine too. It was Friday. And I was home. I found The Megan Mullally Show and giggled through my first viewing. It ended and I thought about my next move. Would I go see "Stranger Than Fiction" and then go clothes shopping and then drive up to Renton? Or would I go clothes shopping, drive up to Renton and then go see "Stranger Than Fiction" and invite my sister? Decisions... decisions... aaagghhh!!! The pain! The misery! The feeling of millions of very tiny yet very fit (Richard Simmons again) flu viruses hearing the same war cry and biting down in unison. I wanted to die.

I writhed and cried (yes... real tears) as I had visions of popsicles and medicine. But I could barely crawl to the bathroom. There was no way I'd be able to make it to my car. I certainly wouldn't be able to make it to the store and back. Also, there was the whole raining and flooding situation thing going on outside. I called my parents. They pointed out the rain situation and said that if I was still sick tomorrow that they'd bring me medicine. I was still sick the next day.

They brought me medicine. I felt better.

I was still sick Sunday too.

And today I tried to go to work. Well, I did go to work. But I didn't last long. I was asked to go home before the real school day even started. Everyone I know that's had the flu this season says it lasts at least two weeks. I don't have two weeks. I'll be taking my Gatorade, popsicles and medicine to work with me tomorrow. I shouldn't be contagious any more. My fever broke on Saturday. I'll just have to rough it. Four more days until the weekend. Six and a half days until Thanksgiving Break. Almost there...

P.S. Strawberry Garorade tastes just like melted Strawberry Jello. I have mixed feelings about that. Grape's definitely my favorite.

Can I Get That To Go?

Go-Tarts... Are you freaking kidding me?? Aren't Pop-Tarts in nature already technically a "To Go" food? Did they really need to develop a "new" product to make them easier to eat in the car or office? This is really upsetting me. Can you imagine that board meeting? Discussing new product ideas... and some guy in the back raises his hand and says... "Sometimes I want to eat Pop-Tarts in the morning, because as we know it's the perfect breakfast food, but it's hard for me to eat them when I'm on the go if it's not in the traditional "breakfast bar" shape. I propose we make Pop-Tarts more friendly for busy people by making Go-Tarts!" And then everybody cheered. Because, like most people, they'd agree to anything in order to get out of a meeting.

Happy Halloween

Last night Lisa and I almost went to a costume party. I didn't mind missing the party so much. (We got lost somewhere in Redmond... I know... big shocker...) We still met a bunch of people at Red Robin for some good times. And everybody knows that getting dressed up is the best part anyway...

Name the Event...

This is a picture taken sometime between April and August of 2005. I think. In the same roll, there are pictures of Julymas of that year and also pictures from when we dressed up to go to see Star Wars. But for the life of me I can't remember this picture. Do you remember?

It's The Great Praxis, Emmy Lou Who

I got my Praxis results back today. This is the test that another new special ed teacher told me that out of her graduating class (from WSU) of 200, only 2 of them passed it the first time. That's a 1% pass rate. Not good. When I went to take the test, on stand-by, the others there had all failed it once (or twice) and were there trying again.

I had a lot riding on this test, too. If I failed, I would most likely lose my job since a passing score is required to obtain a Washington State Teaching Certificate. Until I get that certificate, I'll be paid as a para-educator. As soon as I get it, I'll be paid retroactively up to my agreed upon salary. So to recap... failing grade = no job, poverty. Passing grade = money, job.

So you can imagine that I was shaking a little bit when I found a letter from ETS in my mailbox this afternoon. Inside was the document on the left. There is a possible 200 points and I got... 200 points. A perfect score! Looks like I'll be paying my rent, eating AND buying a new skirt!

Welcome home, money. Did you miss me?

Also, I watched "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" tonight. Jealous?

Furthermore, I watched "1 vs 100" tonight for the second time. I don't know if I can watch it anymore, though, because it makes me depressed. Because it shows how stupid Americans are and it makes me embarrassed that it's so flamboyantly displayed. They roped in poor Ken Jennings who has proven that the camera adds at least ten observable pounds to a person's boredom as well. Tonight, a man won thousands of dollars because he knew that Cindy Lou Who was the name of the child from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." Or at least he could pick it out of an A, B, or C multiple-choice line-up. Genius.

It's The Great Praxis, Emmy Lou Who!

Three-Day Weekend

This past weekend was a 3-day weekend. It was a much needed break. I don't know what it is about 28 middle schoolers but spending time with them is like spending time under the flourescent bulbs in Joe Versus the Volcano. "Suck...(spit sucking sound), suck! Suck, suck, suck!" They drain the life, patience and will to live right out of me. And yet, somehow, I love it. I must really be in the right field if I can come home as tired and drained as I do and yet be excited to see my students again the next day. Vicious circle.
So the idea of getting a day off, an opportunity to sleep a full night in my comfy bed, not worry about the Mt. Rainier sized pile of paperwork on my desk and just read my book (I'm currently reading "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" by Kim Edwards) and see my friends and family... well... it made me rethink the whole committing myself to a mental hospital thing. Rethink but not dismiss entirely.
So, Thursday night I stayed home and watched "The Office" because it's been a giant beam of sunshine in my dreary Northwest job. So, I watched my shows. ("My Name Is Earl" was on that night too.) And I read my book. And I fell asleep without setting my alarm.
Friday morning I stayed in bed until almost 10am reading my book and just loving my bed. I slowly got ready for the day, cleaned my apartment and packed my things for a weekend in Renton. My mom and I spent almost the entire day shopping. I didn't get anything. Well, a package of white socks (which I really needed since flip-flop weather is coming to an end). I picked out a couch that I may or may not actually buy but that I really want. It's a black leather couch that's really cheap and would match my apartment perfectly (mostly because there's nothing in my apartment so there's really nothing that it could possibly clash with). It made me hopeful that soon I'll have a place to sit down at my place and would allow me to invite people over with more to offer than a spot of the carpet. My mom and I bought a Snoopy costume for Mitzi. She hated it. Oreo and Speckles weren't too fond of it either. But I loved it.
Friday night, I watched "Deal or No Deal" with the Faerbers enjoying the pleasant escape from... stuff. Then Saturday, I had a great time chatting with Julie on the sidelines as we watched Preston and then Shelby play in their soccer games. They were kind of precious. Later that night, I finally got to meet little Makenna and see Michelle and her family who I have totally missed. Makenna's even more beautiful in person. I know. It's hard to believe.
On Sunday, I went to my sister's house and we watched the Seahawks game (Did anybody else watch? We won in the last 60 seconds of the game!) and then a disc of season two of "The Office" while we ate lunch. It was pretty much the perfect 3-day weekend. I came back to work this morning relaxed and happy. That lasted for two periods. Halfway through third I was ready to have myself committed again...

But...

Next weekend I'm going to Lopez. So maybe I'll make it through another week... maybe.

Salmon Days

Last weekend I went to Salmon Days in Issaquah. Little Shelby was in the parade for Girl Scouts. She was dressed as a Do-Si-Do cookie. Kind of precious. I also saw a ton of people I haven't seen in forever. It was kind of like being at a giant neighborhood BBQ. Happiness. I hadn't been to Salmon Days since the last time I was actually in the parade. I think I was a high school sophomore.

It's also kind of an interesting experience to grow up some place, move away and then come back because when you come back you suddenly realize that a lot of the things you took for granted as normal actually... aren't. For example, almost everything in the parade had to do with The Puget Sound, Recycling or (of course) Salmon. We are sea-life and environment obsessed. And I love it!