Puppy Here!

Taquito Bonito Chihuahua has arrived! And he's gorgeous! And remarkably well behaved. I can't find my cord to hook in my digital camera but as soon as I do I'll post plenty of pictures. Because I'm obsessing.

China

This is China.

He always looked ticked.

Because he always was.

In One Phone Call...

I learned that my cat, China, of 15 years died today and that I'll be able to pick up my new puppy, Taquito, at 9am on Saturday.

A Day in the Life of the Cursed

I watched these two videos on Saturday. Each sent to me by different people. I laughed because they're funny, closed the window and moved on.





This morning, I woke up with both of these songs running interchangeably through my head. One annoying, humorous song traded for the other and then finally (by the time I hit the shower) they were one song. It was terrifying. And amusing.

Today was also the first day of the WASL. For those of you who aren't in WA and therefore have not been hearing this acronym being used as if it were a real word (pronounced wossle) all year long, it's our statewide assessment to monitor students' progress, hold teachers accountable and add anxiety to small children worrying about passing the 3rd grade. It's also boring. I sat and watched five sixth graders take the test today. Then left at noon because I had to go to the doctor.

A funny thing happens when you wait too long to see a doctor. They make you come back for additional tests. Or, if you're me, they make you go to the hospital for some outpatient procedures. First, they want to slice my eyelid open because I have a blocked thingamajiggy. Then they want to shove a video camera down my throat to see why I might be gagging on things... by making me gag on a camera. Then they want to do an ultrasound on my belly but they're not looking for babies. They're looking for ulcers. Also, she sent in the guy that draws blood. And he was gorgeous and funny and went to Harvard. Everything was going well until I asked him if I had to remove my cardigan in order to get to my arm.
"Hahaha! What did you say?"
"I asked you if I had to remove my cardigan."
"Cardigan? Did you really just use the word cardigan? It's not just a sweater. Wow, a cardigan."
"Haha... ha... huh..."
He laughed for five minutes. And I did too. Hopefully convincingly. Because I didn't get it. Then he stabbed me with a needle and took lots of blood. But right before he did I told him that I would be looking away because I don't like needles. Or blood. Even on TV. So he felt compelled to tell me, while he was drawing my blood, about some guy he treated a few years ago as a resident who had tried to commit suicide by shooting himself in the head but wasn't successful and so he was living with half of a face and exactly what that looked like and I tried my best to look interested instead of terrified all the while thinking to myself, "Why is he telling me this?! Didn't I just get done saying that I don't like blood?!" But then he changed topic to another guy he treated who also was unsuccessful in the suicide department who had jumped out of a third story window. I almost hurled. But it did take my mind off of the needle in my arm.

Also, my tabs are expired. And since I had UT plates I had to get an emissions test and then go to the DMV to get new WA plates and tabs. But on the way to the emissions place, I got into another car accident. This time my dad was driving. My dad hasn't gotten in an accident in... well... never. My dad has never been in a car accident. But suddenly he's behind the wheel of my VooDoo car and boom! Literally. We got rear-ended. It sucked. But I still passed my emissions test. $15. And was able to get my license plate and tabs. $88.

On a side note, I've been planting things lately. I suddenly have a desire to watch seeds grow. I'm growing several types of flowers and vegetables. It's not easy considering I have only a small windowsill where small plants can receive sunlight and because I don't actually have a yard to plant them in once they grow out of their tiny starter pots. So, it looks like my parents are getting a garden this year. Because I'll be going up this weekend to dig up part of their backyard to transplant my tiny plants.

Tiny seeds growing. Like my heart.

Taquito Bonito Chihuahua

One of these two baby boys is my very own Taquito Bonito Chihuahua. In a little over a week I'll be going to meet them and choose which one is most deserving of the name.



I plan on sitting on the floor and calling out the name and whichever one props up an ear or head first is coming home with me. Some people choose a dog and then pick a name that suits him. I choose a name and then pick a dog that fits the description. It's just how I roll.

Already I have more than any dog would need sitting in my living room including a dog bed, a carrier, a kennel, puppy training pads, receiving blankets, a leash, a collar, and half a dozen toys. I'm lacking only puppy food (which will be decided by the breeder and the vet) and a doggie sweater (which I have learned is necessary because Chihuahuas are unable to regulate their body temperature in even mildly cool weather... and I thought people just dressed their dogs for torture!) and some grooming necessities.

I'm also preparing myself by reading "Chihuahuas for Dummies" (not "Chihuahuas for Dumbers") which has let me know that my puppy's teeth may be so small that he may be unable to eat hard food for several weeks after I get him and I may need to make a puppy mush. Gross. But still cute. Kind of.

Comin' To Provo!

At 3pm something wonderful happened. School was let out and Spring Break began! Yahoo!!! I'll be renting a car and leaving Monday morning for Provo. It's the kind of news that makes my heart want to swell and burst! :)

Poodle Man

I went to the Humane Society on Monday. I want a dog. I want a dog so bad it hurts. I need a dog. So I went to the Humane Society to see if they had a small dog about a year old that was reasonably well-mannered and would respond to the name Taquito. What I found instead was a lump in my throat and a sudden desire to buy a small house on a large piece of property so I could adopt every single dog and let them run free. I found the throat lump and the plantation desire but no Taquito. I left feeling sad and somehow much lonlier than before, as if I had somehow lost a dog I'd never had. Oh, Taquito, where are you?!

As I drove home feeling a bit sorry for myself and contemplating Plan B on my "Find Taquito 2007" Plan, I passed three cars with dogs in the back seat. And I felt even more sorry for myself. "Everybody has a dog but me... sigh." I started to come up behind a fourth car with a canine companion. It looked like a large poodle with thick, tight, black curls and a blue bandana (wow... only one letter away from banana... be careful!) around his neck. The car was also going kind of slow so I veered into the right lane and as I passed it I got a closer view. The poodle wasn't a poodle at all. It was a man.

I laughed so hard I cried. And as the tears rolled down my face and blurred my vision I learned two great lessons. 1. You have to be extra careful while driving with blurred vision and 2. Even though I don't currently have a dog, I need to be grateful that I at least don't have a Poodle Man. He must be so high maitenance! And it'd be hard to find a vet.

The Pineapple Express

Apparently there's an annual storm that hits the Pacific Northwest called "The Pineapple Express" that I just learned about today. It consists of rain from Hawaii that picks up momentum as it crosses the Pacific Ocean. And it hits us EVERY YEAR and it results in flooding everywhere and heavy snowfall in the mountains EVERY YEAR. I just found out about it TODAY. And some people made fun of me. But honestly... how's a girl supposed to notice an annual rain storm IN SEATTLE? Like I'm supposed to differentiate Pineapple Express rain (it's supposedly warmer?) from the rain that comes down EVERY OTHER DAY?! That's all.

P.S. I got in another car accident yesterday. :(

Spring Break!

I can't wait! I cannot wait for Spring Break! The 30th is my last day of work before nine days of workless bliss! During which, I'll be making a trip to little Provo, Utah in my rickety car to visit my non-rickety friends! But the upcoming days off are not the only reason why I'm happy. I'm also happy because the sun shines through my window in the morning now. And because I can hear birds and other animals in the afternoon. And because it's getting warmer every day. And also because this evening as I stepped outside after an exceptionally long day, I took a deep breath and could smell new flowers, evergreen trees, freshly cut grass and northwest rain all in one whiff. That was a good whiff.

Happy Birthday To My Blog!

My baby turned FOUR on the third of February! Woohoo! I think I'll buy it a present. And maybe that present will be chocolate. And maybe my blog won't eat it. So maybe I will.

From Jay, not em -

Sorry it's taken forever, but I final fixed your blog. Hopefully, this makes it more readable.

-Jay

Driving Miss Nasty

There's nothing nastier than being stuck in unmoving traffic. Actually...

There's nothing nastier than being stuck in unmoving traffic behind a larger than life truck painted black with fire stickers and other stickers in their back window one claiming that "bad ass boys drive bad ass toys" and other claiming that "bad ass girls drive bad ass toys" and yet another in the middle of them claiming "baby on board" with tires taller than my car leaving their bumper at the height of my car and a disgusting plastic display of male anatomy dangling from their trailer hitch.

I started to dry heave and realized that I had to get out from behind the beast. So I did some quick thinking and even quicker maneuvering and got around him/her/baby and got safely in front of "it".

But as I turned my attention away from the freak show in my rearview mirror and towards the vehicle in front of me I realized that my new companion was only minorly less psychologically damaging than the last. This time it was a disgusting display of female anatomy. And I couldn't help but think I was in the middle of a potentially hazardous situation. But I was stuck. Traffic was gridlocked. So I turned on my stereo as loud as it would play and focused on the tires and pavement in front of me until traffic finally picked up and I was able to drive away just as Haley Joel Osment ran out of that room he had been locked into with those violent ghosts on "The Sixth Sense."

Terrifying.

Which is why I had a sudden desire to move to Maryland after reading this article this morning.

Talk Like a Man

I sound like a guy. I lost my voice on Tuesday (at least I lost the feminine portion of my voice on Tuesday) and it still hasn't decided to come home. My throat doesn't hurt at all. It's kind of scratchy and dry. But it doesn't hurt. So nothing kept me from doing my regular amount of oral reading and lecturing all week in the classroom. (Although it would be hard to convince somebody that I've never had a cigarette in my life.)

On Thursday I apologized to one of my classes. "Sorry, guys. I don't know why I still sound like a guy. You'll just have to deal with it I guess."

One of my students replied, "That's okay Miss Hansen. You usually have a little girl's voice. Now you just sound grown up."

"Oh... thanks."

Sick... Again.

I've been home sick the last two days. I've got the flu. Again. But as much as it sucked being sick. I choose illness over work. It might be time for me to look for a new job. I'm thinking Issaquah. Or Bellevue. Or something. But that's besides the point. Over the last three days as I layed on my couch watching old episodes of the Golden Girls I couldn't help but think... I miss my Provo friends... and even... a little tiny bit... I miss Provo itself.

Pajamas and Locked Doors

It's Spirit Week again at the middle school. And today was pajama day. Again. Today I chose my striped pajama pants and my new baby blue robe, baby blue slippers and baby blue eye mask thing. I was ready to roll. I took the elevator down to the parking garage and as I walked to my car I thought it might be a good idea to take off my robe on my way to work since my car can get pretty warm in the morning. So, I unlocked my passenger door and started to disrobe (haha). Since I had put my keys in one pocket and my cell phone in the other I had a very clear and loud voice in my head say, "Em... remember to take out your keys before you lock the door." I reached in my pocket, pulled out my cell phone and shut the door. The door closed in slow motion and the "No!" I yelled was low, long and dramatic.

I was locked out of my car.

I was locked out of my building (my key card was attached to my actual keys).

And I was in my pajamas.

"No way that just happened." I was staring at my car in disbelief when out of the corner of my eye I saw the red lights of a car about to back out. I ran over, rapped on the passenger window of the car and pleaded for help. "Hi... Hi... excuse me. Sorry. You see, I locked myself out of my car. Do you know what time the office opens so somebody can help me?" The woman got out of her fancy car, looked me up and down and said, "Did you sleep in your car?"

"What?! No... I'm a teacher. It's Spirit Week. Pajama Day. Look, would you please let me in the building? My cell phone won't work in the garage and I'm going to need to call my dad for the spare."

"I guess so." She reluctantly walked to the doors and scanned me in.

Well, I was still locked out of my car in my pajamas but at least I wasn't locked out of the building any more. Which made me happier... even if I couldn't get into my apartment. I called my dad and begged for his help which would include almost an hour trip during rush hour to deliver the spare. (What a nice dad!)

Then I had to call work since I would undoubtedly be late. And I had to tell them WHY I would be late. As the person who received my message relayed it back to me to "clarify", I could already hear the office filling up with an entertained crowd of my co-workers. Later, I would be repeatedly teased and mocked for being "special" like my students. I liked it. :)

As I waited for my dad to arrive, there wasn't much to do. Everything I had was either locked in my car or locked in my apartment so I took myself down to the gym down the hall and walked on the treadmill for an hour until I got the call that my dad was in front of the building. I burned 277 calories. I feel robbed.

Also, today was a half day (for my students) and so I had to spend the second half of it at a long and dreadfully boring meeting... in my pajamas. And then I had to go to another two-hour meeting with the district... in my pajamas. I was warm and comfortable and mocked mercilessly from 7:30am to 6:00pm. Ahhh... priceless.

So Happy

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/01/24/germs.sponges.reut/index.html

I Hate My Car

I hate my car. I hate my car. I hate my car. I hate my car. I hate my car. I hate my car.

I REALLY hate my car. I tried to drive to the grocery store today but was worried about the snowy hill I'd have to go up. The hill looked fine but my car still wouldn't make it. Because it was overheating. AGAIN!

How am I supposed to get to work tomorrow? (If there IS work.)

Who wants to go car shopping with me this coming weekend?

Also... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANN-MARIE!!! I heart you.

Sparks Obsessed

I found a new web site. And I'm obsessed with it. You can find it at www.sparkpeople.com. It's a website created to help people lose weight but it's gained a lot more attention from people who are just trying to live a healthier life. It tracks what food you eat along with all the numbers associated with your food (calories, fat, carbs, protein, vitamins, minerals) and also how much you exercise in order to give you a clear picture of what your body is running on every day. But it's not annoying. Also, it has this point system where you get points for doing certain things on the site (tracking your food, drinking enough water, etc) and then if you join a team (like one I just created today) then you can see how many points other people in your team have and make a competition out of it. Being competitive in nature, this appeals to me. Wanna play?

Go to this site to join the team right away!
http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_individual.asp?gid=7189&gcode=SYYX2HMRCL

When registering type in "TacomaTeacher" as the referral so I can find you once you're on.

Maschoolital

I had a dream last night. It was mostly about me craving Gandolfo's. I miss it and since the only location in WA is all the way in Redmond I haven't had a Gandolfo's sandwich since before I moved away from Provo in August. Anyway, you'll never believe where I finally found one in my dream. It was in the food court inside a Maschoolital. The building was part mall, part school and part hospital. It was everything I loved and hated all rolled into one building. I shopped, worked (mostly kept having to search for my students in the mall portion) and avoided doctors all night trying to find Gandolfo's. And I finally did. But woke up right before I got to eat my sandwich! Tragic!!!

Weathering the Storms

It's been a while. But for those of you who listened to my record backwards and heard "Em is dead," rest assured. It was just a hoax. I wasn't really dead.

Washington has been in the news a lot lately. Two weeks before Christmas we were hit by a huge storm. It was hurricane-like in nature and wiped out power in millions of homes. Some of them (including my home town) were without power for almost two weeks. When I listened to the local radio stations I heard people calling in and begging for help. There was no electricity and in some areas there wasn't even water. And temperatures dropped to all-time lows. Several people died from drowning, electric shock, being crushed by trees, carbon monoxide poisoning, etc. Me? I never even lost power. My cable went out for about 10 minutes during the storm, though. Life is hard.

After that, there came Christmas. At least, I think it happened. I have a new GameCube in my apartment. So something happened. But it wasn't the same. Most of the stores were closed for several days before Christmas so shopping was a no-go. Almost everybody's Christmas lights wouldn't glow. And then, of course, there was no Grandma. That sucked.

On the plus side, over Christmas break (I mean Winter break...) I got my own classroom. Before I was sharing a classroom with another teacher and it was divided in half with bookshelves. It was horrible and I hated my life. But now I don't hate it as much.

Today I didn't hate it at all. We're in the middle of another storm. A snow storm this time. And there was no school today. And by the look of it outside right now, there's a huge possibility that my unexpected vacation will be extended by another day tomorrow. Hurray!

Back to my GameCube...