Swimming B

Brayden is in "swimming lessons" at our local pool.  He's in the toddler class for kids 6 months to 3 years old.  He totally loves it!  It's not like he's actually learning to swim or anything... he's 8 months old.  But they throw water in his face and dunk him which doesn't faze him a bit.  They get him used to the feeling of floating on his back and teach him to kick as he's propelled through the water.  He laughs and splashes and doesn't want to get out.  I went to watch him on Tuesday.  David's a swimmer and it was cool to see father and son doing something they love together even at such a young age.  Just wait until he's old enough to start playing catch... :)

Snaily

This little guy has been hanging around my condo for over a week now.  I've grown accustomed to his shell.  Here's the thing about snails.  They're kind of cute in a completely disgusting kind of way.  But of all the garden pests, the snail is my favorite.  Their cousin, the slug, is intolerably gross.  I get that all the parts are pretty much the same besides the fact that the snail carries his own house.  In any case, Snaily has been in the little garden space in front of my bedroom window.  And I'm okay with him staying.  But cute-ish or not I'd rather he'd go.  Because I'm pretty sure he's the one eating holes in the flowers.  Also, I almost stepped on him today and that would have been icky.

From Flakes to Fantastic

Last night I had a dream that all my skin was shedding off as if after a moderate sunburn (but without the pain of a sunburn).  It was just flaking away.  After the initial shock and slight panic, I started to help it along and discovered that underneath was new, beautiful, soft, preteen-before-the-acne skin that almost glowed.  So I worked harder.  And before the dream was over I was looking good!

This dream could mean one of two things:

1.  Something very good is coming up just around the corner

2.  I really need to think about applying sunscreen every day  

Lactose Intolerant

Work

I really wish I could write about work on this thing because I think you may all find me a lot more interesting.  But probably not.

Happy

Everything has been crappy lately.  So I'm trying really hard to find things that are good.  Here are a few things that have made me happy this week.  

One of them is this.  There's just something about watching a woman's dream come true paired with shocking a large number of doubters that makes my chest swell with feelings of triumph. 

Another happy is this.  Mariner baseball.  But not just any Mariner baseball.  Good Mariner baseball!  I'm going to the game tomorrow night.  I'm hoping to see some Griffey magic and a win.  But if not... just the ballpark hotdog in a ballpark will be worth the ticket price! 

Also, no matter how crappy my day is my puppies love me.  When I come home they're so happy to see me that they jump up and down, run circles around me and give me puppy kisses.  It's hard to be sad when there are two dogs that happy that you're alive and came back for them.

I am convinced that Spring has finally arrived.  The tree outside my balcony that has looked like a giant dead twig the entire time I have lived here suddenly burst into pink.  The sun came out again this afternoon.

I think I'm going to be okay.  :)

Easter 2009

This is my new favorite picture of B for obvious reasons.  I feel that my sister owes me a great deal for capturing this moment.  

Easter went better than expected.  Although I don't really know what I was expecting.  These people are hard to read.  

We had brunch at my sister's before we let B chew on his Easter basket which, quite frankly, was pretty fun to watch.

I went to church and experienced the most... unique?... Easter program yet.  To keep myself from deep sighing I did some journaling and scripture reading.  It was for the best.  

I went to my parents' house for dinner which consisted of a small bowl of plain spaghetti.  After which I helped them figure out how to post and print pictures of B.  Now that everybody's life seems to be centered around buying B presents, spending time with B, documenting B's life, talking about B and making B happy... the old family dramas have kind of melted away.  I'm glad about this.  Obviously.  But are they really gone or are they just lying dormant?  I can't decide if I should be running through the meadow while the credits roll or if I should be running for cover.  Either way there's going to be running.  If the weather's good I'll run forever.  It rained in a downpour all day today.

What's a girl gotta do to get a Coke in this town?

Today I had to go to the district office during my lunch break to turn in some important paperwork.  I understood that I would be going without lunch.  But, you know what?  That was going to be okay as long as I could grab a Diet Coke before I had to be in front of a group of 6th graders at 1pm.  A Diet Coke would see me through.  So I stopped at the Shell station.  I looked around and around but I didn't see a soda fountain.  I asked the lady where it was and she said they didn't have one.  Seriously.  No soda fountain.  At a gas station.  

So I ran back out to my car and drove to the Mini Mart that I could see from the Shell station.  I ran in, looked around and saw only porno magazines and videos and a small fridge of bottled beverages.  I understood right away that they weren't selling what I needed and jumped back in my car feeling a bit defeated and entirely violated.  Since when did "Mini Mart" mean "Nasty Naked Times" anyway?  I shook it off.  I was on a mission.  No time to analyze what just happened in there.  

I could see a 76.  Certainly they would have what I needed minus the gross.  I parked in a no parking zone (leave me alone... I was running out of time!) and ran inside.  I looked and looked.  I was not seeing the soda fountain that had to be there!  The lady was chatting with a friend.  I waited politely.  But only for about 5 seconds before I said, "Where's the soda fountain?  I need a Diet Coke!  Quick!"  She said they didn't have one.  I said, "What do you mean you don't have one?  Seriously?!  You're a gas station!  What gas station doesn't have a soda fountain?  Apparently every station and mini mart on this street is conspiring against soda drinkers!  Where can I get a Diet Coke?  Where?  Where??  Where?!?!"  Once she got over the initial shock of an adult throwing a tantrum over a soda, she pointed across the street at a purple building and said there was a place called Andy's across the street from there... that I couldn't miss it.  

I ran to my car and made my way to Andy's.  I love Andy's.  Sure, they had three cup sizes and only two lid sizes and the size I wanted was sold out which forced me into buying a cup of soda larger than my head but you know what?  I was okay with that.  Andy's my new best friend.

Once I had my soda and was back in my car cradling the giant cup between my legs (there seriously isn't a cup holder big enough for this thing) I looked at the clock.  12:50.  I turned on my GPS and started making my way back to work. 

I'm the only person I know stupid enough to get lost while using a GPS.  OK, I'm the only person I know stupid enough to get lost using a GPS in a town she's been working in for eight months.  Despite missing my exit and having to backtrack twice, I still made it back by 12:59.  Ah... the power of the Diet Coke.

Turbulence

My flight from SLC to SEA was pure carnage.  There were at least two dozen children on that flight under the age of 2.  Almost all of them were at the back of the plane where I also happened to be located, seated next to a 7th grade girl very excited about life.  She was delightful and full of questions about how airplanes work which I just happened to know the answers to which made me feel like a scientific genius.  Which is awesome.  Because I'm not.  I'm really, really not.  But I did know why the flaps on the wings go up and down, what that whirring sound was, how the de-icer crap works, why we get turbulence and how it affects (effects??) cabin pressure, the inner ear (especially the inner ears of the two dozen now screaming children under the age of 2) and the stomachs of at least two of our fellow passengers.  I know things.

I also appreciated the fact that she was much smarter than the guy I encountered several years ago on the same trek from SLC to SEA.  He was tall, thin, smelled of marijuana and wore army fatigues and an unkept beard.  He laughed and asked similar questions that my little friend asked today.  One of them was, "Do you ever... like... wonder about what... like... stuff like clouds are made of?"  Actually... clouds are evaporated water.  "Hu hu-hu.  Hu... wow... wouldn't it be awesome if that were true??"  It is true.  Water evaporates into the air and collects together in a gaseous state that we see as a cloud.  Then when it becomes dense enough it falls again as water which we call rain.  "Hu hu... Hu!  Woah!!  That would be awesome!"  I was going to explain it better but I realized this last comment wasn't directed towards me.  It was directed towards his top button.  

Sigh.

My first instinct is to call this woman stupid and laugh.  OK.  I did call this woman stupid and laugh.  But I shouldn't have.  Because I have no room to talk.  Remember this?

WEDNESDAY, MAY 26, 2004

Dude, Where's My Car?

Sunday Afternoon

Villa Parking Lot

Chris, Ann-Marie and I walk out to the parking lot to attend the Deaf Ward. I lead the group to the spot where I always park my car. Except... it's not there. "What the crap? Where's my car?"

Thinking that maybe I'm just an idiot and parked my car some place else in the lot, we started wandering around looking for it. But it wasn't there. I thought that maybe somebody was just playing a prank on me and moved it. I mean, I did steal Ramos' car last year. A couple times. And moved it to make him crazy. I had it coming. So we looked around the entire Villa parking lot. No car. Ann-Marie and Chris went to my place to listen to Kat laugh about it. I went to Provo High School and the Seminary building with Lisa to see if it was over there. It wasn't.

By now, an hour has passed and there's still zero sign of my car. And I don't know anybody who would play a prank like that any more. I mean, I only know my parents. And so I came back to the apartment. A small crowd had gathered there because somebody losing a car is entertaining and new. Who loses a car? It's not like I lost the keys. I lost the whole freaking car! What's left to do? It's been an hour. I can't find it. I guess it's stolen. I don't know who in their right mind would steal my car but it's the only other thing I can think of. So, I called the police.

And they hung up on me.

So I called back.

And I reported it missing.

"I'll send an officer over."

"Okay," I said.

And I waited. The people talked and laughed about funny mission stories. I laid on the big yellow ball of happiness, sprawled over it on my back. And I just thought as I waited for the officer to arrive.

I thought about my checkbook balance. And about how I needed to repaint my toenails. And about how much I disliked police officers. And about how the school year was almost over. And about how I should probably visit my family at some point. And about how lame yesterday was because I had to be at work on a Saturday at 7am...

I shot up! I gasped! "It's at WORK!!!" I yelled. "It's at work because I had to be there at 7:30am and then I carpooled up to Salt Lake for that convention thingy but I got out an hour early and so YOU drove me home!" I pointed accusingly at Kat. The room was silent only for a split second before the laughter and mocking started. Yes, I am an idiot. I didn't forget that I parked my car a few slots away than usual... but a few blocks away from usual.

And so I called the police back.

"Hi, I'm Emily Hansen and I just reported my car stolen. But I just had an epiphany and... it's not."

"Okay, we'll cancel the call."

"Thanks."

And that was it. 

SLC

I'm in Salt Lake City this week and my heart is happy.  I hate the snow and I'm not a big fan of the whole desert but... man!... I love these people!!

Shower

Tear Free

I need to cry.  I have that tight feeling in my chest matched with the mild but ever-present headache residing at the nape of the neck and mid-forehead as well as the burning eyes and tight throat.  It's like when you need to sneeze and even though you don't really want to sneeze, it's way better than holding it in and it's kind of upsetting if it never comes because... man... you needed that release.  Just like that dumb volcano in Alaska that everybody's been freaking out about because it's going to blow at any moment and then it didn't for weeks and weeks.  Then finally it gave a few puffs over a few days and that was it.  How disappointing.  And I'm disappointed.  Because all of the signs are there but I just can't cry.  No release.  I have reasons to cry.  I'm upset about them.  I'm sad about them.  I'm kind of mad about them.  But there's no release.  Maybe I put it off for too long.  No time to cry now, much too busy!  I can't cry yet, the trial's not even over yet.  I can't cry now, people will know.  And now after all that waiting, I can't cry at all.  I put on my sad songs, took in the crap, processed the garbage and feel I understand my predicament.  It's not awesome.  But even with that... no tears.  And now that I've typed this... I'm kind of over it.  Kind of.

P.S.  I just got a call that I have to pick up my mom.  Nope... still nothin'.  :)

Expired

Run!

There are two types of runners.  

There are the runners that run for the joy of running, hope and exploration.  

Then there are the runners that run to escape pain either real, perceived or potential.  

As much as I wish I were type A, I think we all know that I'm the latter.

Albuquerque

Also, this particular episode is one of my favorites.  I'm just saying.

Random Facts

I dyed my hair.  It's dark.

I'm totally pumped that Griffey is back and equally bummed that Opening Night is sold out.

My mom gave me poster board to make my brother a welcome home sign.  He doesn't come home until MAY!

The woman who did my makeup at Dior has twin girls who are named Paris and Dior.  No joke.  I promise never to name any children after my place of business.  There will be no future

 McMickens running around unless I open up my own McDonald's and name a new sandwich.  Or maybe McMickens would be bite-sized Chicken McNuggets.

I had a shopping day with Kari and it was awesome!

A kid I used to pick up in nursery when I was like twelve showed up in my single's ward today.   I smiled, shook his hand and welcomed him but I cried a little bit inside.  When did I get so old?

I watch TV with the Closed Caption on even when Wayne's not here.  Partly because I feel like I miss something when it's not on and partly because I don't know how to turn it off.

I only have one week left before Spring Break and I am so very excited!  I'm not, however, excited about the mountain of paperwork I have to get in beforehand.

But after the paperwork?  Only awesomeness!  I have already burned a few books on CD for the road trip down to Utah.  I can't wait to see My Loves again!!

Yellow

I met a guy last Friday who claims he can read auras. Apparently mine is yellow. Bright yellow. So some other newly aware aura sporters and myself looked up what our colors meant on the internet. Mine can be found here. Whatever. It's not like I needed one more person (or the internet) telling me I'm a child. I ran around Disneyland like a six-year-old on Pixie Stix. If I didn't have the right amount of peer pressure, I'd live in a fort made of blankets, watch Disney movies and play Nintendo all day and live off of Cheetos and pizza.

The occupations I also found amusing because deep down I feel like I was supposed to be a drummer. Maybe I really was meant to be Blade of Table Nine. Think it's too late?

At Least It Wasn't Raining

You wanna know what's not awesome?  Walking over a mile to my sister's house... uphill... without a jacket... in my torn pajama bottoms... on wet dirt... in my socks... carrying a 12 lb dog... because when the "sign-my-paper" dude came to the door and the dogs flipped out and one escaped so I ran after him and closed the door behind me so the other one wouldn't escape but, of course, did this all about a whole millisecond before I realized my keys and my cell phone were in the house and my door is always locked so that crazy people can't just walk in.  Crazy people like me!!  So the "sign-the-paper" dude watched the circus, had me sign the paper and then seriously started to walk away before I said, "Uh... think I could use your phone?"  So he walked to his apartment and brought back a cell phone.  But you know what?  I only know one number.  My parents' number.  The same number I memorized before entering preschool in case I got lost or abducted or smart enough to run away and start prank calling.  So I called that number.  And nobody was home.  So I left a message that sounded a lot like this, "Hi Dad.  It's me, Emily.  I'm locked out of my condo so would you please come bring me the key as soon as you get this message?  I'll be waiting.  Oh, I don't have shoes.  So... I won't be going anywhere.  Please hurry."  The "sign-my-paper" dude listened as I left the pathetic message, asked if I had someplace to wait and then when I said I had a sister a mile up the hill but I wouldn't be going there because I'm in socks he smiled and walked away.  So the trek to my sister's began.  

But... at least it wasn't raining.  And I only had to carry one dog instead of both.  Also, the bedroom window I was scared was weak enough to give way with a slight nudge holds up a lot better than I thought.  So, there's that.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Yeah, we really were having that much fun.

See, there's at least one other person who knows how to rock St. Patrick's Day.