Monday, April 27, 2009

From Flakes to Fantastic

Last night I had a dream that all my skin was shedding off as if after a moderate sunburn (but without the pain of a sunburn).  It was just flaking away.  After the initial shock and slight panic, I started to help it along and discovered that underneath was new, beautiful, soft, preteen-before-the-acne skin that almost glowed.  So I worked harder.  And before the dream was over I was looking good!

This dream could mean one of two things:
1.  Something very good is coming up just around the corner
2.  I really need to think about applying sunscreen every day  

Monday, April 20, 2009

Friday, April 17, 2009


I really wish I could write about work on this thing because I think you may all find me a lot more interesting.  But probably not.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Everything has been crappy lately.  So I'm trying really hard to find things that are good.  Here are a few things that have made me happy this week.  

One of them is this.  There's just something about watching a woman's dream come true paired with shocking a large number of doubters that makes my chest swell with feelings of triumph. 

Another happy is this.  Mariner baseball.  But not just any Mariner baseball.  Good Mariner baseball!  I'm going to the game tomorrow night.  I'm hoping to see some Griffey magic and a win.  But if not... just the ballpark hotdog in a ballpark will be worth the ticket price! 

Also, no matter how crappy my day is my puppies love me.  When I come home they're so happy to see me that they jump up and down, run circles around me and give me puppy kisses.  It's hard to be sad when there are two dogs that happy that you're alive and came back for them.

I am convinced that Spring has finally arrived.  The tree outside my balcony that has looked like a giant dead twig the entire time I have lived here suddenly burst into pink.  The sun came out again this afternoon.
I think I'm going to be okay.  :)

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Easter 2009

This is my new favorite picture of B for obvious reasons.  I feel that my sister owes me a great deal for capturing this moment.  

Easter went better than expected.  Although I don't really know what I was expecting.  These people are hard to read.  

We had brunch at my sister's before we let B chew on his Easter basket which, quite frankly, was pretty fun to watch.

I went to church and experienced the most... unique?... Easter program yet.  To keep myself from deep sighing I did some journaling and scripture reading.  It was for the best.  

I went to my parents' house for dinner which consisted of a small bowl of plain spaghetti.  After which I helped them figure out how to post and print pictures of B.  Now that everybody's life seems to be centered around buying B presents, spending time with B, documenting B's life, talking about B and making B happy... the old family dramas have kind of melted away.  I'm glad about this.  Obviously.  But are they really gone or are they just lying dormant?  I can't decide if I should be running through the meadow while the credits roll or if I should be running for cover.  Either way there's going to be running.  If the weather's good I'll run forever.  It rained in a downpour all day today.

Monday, April 06, 2009

What's a girl gotta do to get a Coke in this town?

Today I had to go to the district office during my lunch break to turn in some important paperwork.  I understood that I would be going without lunch.  But, you know what?  That was going to be okay as long as I could grab a Diet Coke before I had to be in front of a group of 6th graders at 1pm.  A Diet Coke would see me through.  So I stopped at the Shell station.  I looked around and around but I didn't see a soda fountain.  I asked the lady where it was and she said they didn't have one.  Seriously.  No soda fountain.  At a gas station.  

So I ran back out to my car and drove to the Mini Mart that I could see from the Shell station.  I ran in, looked around and saw only porno magazines and videos and a small fridge of bottled beverages.  I understood right away that they weren't selling what I needed and jumped back in my car feeling a bit defeated and entirely violated.  Since when did "Mini Mart" mean "Nasty Naked Times" anyway?  I shook it off.  I was on a mission.  No time to analyze what just happened in there.  

I could see a 76.  Certainly they would have what I needed minus the gross.  I parked in a no parking zone (leave me alone... I was running out of time!) and ran inside.  I looked and looked.  I was not seeing the soda fountain that had to be there!  The lady was chatting with a friend.  I waited politely.  But only for about 5 seconds before I said, "Where's the soda fountain?  I need a Diet Coke!  Quick!"  She said they didn't have one.  I said, "What do you mean you don't have one?  Seriously?!  You're a gas station!  What gas station doesn't have a soda fountain?  Apparently every station and mini mart on this street is conspiring against soda drinkers!  Where can I get a Diet Coke?  Where?  Where??  Where?!?!"  Once she got over the initial shock of an adult throwing a tantrum over a soda, she pointed across the street at a purple building and said there was a place called Andy's across the street from there... that I couldn't miss it.  

I ran to my car and made my way to Andy's.  I love Andy's.  Sure, they had three cup sizes and only two lid sizes and the size I wanted was sold out which forced me into buying a cup of soda larger than my head but you know what?  I was okay with that.  Andy's my new best friend.

Once I had my soda and was back in my car cradling the giant cup between my legs (there seriously isn't a cup holder big enough for this thing) I looked at the clock.  12:50.  I turned on my GPS and started making my way back to work. 

I'm the only person I know stupid enough to get lost while using a GPS.  OK, I'm the only person I know stupid enough to get lost using a GPS in a town she's been working in for eight months.  Despite missing my exit and having to backtrack twice, I still made it back by 12:59.  Ah... the power of the Diet Coke.

Saturday, April 04, 2009


My flight from SLC to SEA was pure carnage.  There were at least two dozen children on that flight under the age of 2.  Almost all of them were at the back of the plane where I also happened to be located, seated next to a 7th grade girl very excited about life.  She was delightful and full of questions about how airplanes work which I just happened to know the answers to which made me feel like a scientific genius.  Which is awesome.  Because I'm not.  I'm really, really not.  But I did know why the flaps on the wings go up and down, what that whirring sound was, how the de-icer crap works, why we get turbulence and how it affects (effects??) cabin pressure, the inner ear (especially the inner ears of the two dozen now screaming children under the age of 2) and the stomachs of at least two of our fellow passengers.  I know things.

I also appreciated the fact that she was much smarter than the guy I encountered several years ago on the same trek from SLC to SEA.  He was tall, thin, smelled of marijuana and wore army fatigues and an unkept beard.  He laughed and asked similar questions that my little friend asked today.  One of them was, "Do you ever... like... wonder about what... like... stuff like clouds are made of?"  Actually... clouds are evaporated water.  "Hu hu-hu.  Hu... wow... wouldn't it be awesome if that were true??"  It is true.  Water evaporates into the air and collects together in a gaseous state that we see as a cloud.  Then when it becomes dense enough it falls again as water which we call rain.  "Hu hu... Hu!  Woah!!  That would be awesome!"  I was going to explain it better but I realized this last comment wasn't directed towards me.  It was directed towards his top button.  

Wednesday, April 01, 2009


My first instinct is to call this woman stupid and laugh.  OK.  I did call this woman stupid and laugh.  But I shouldn't have.  Because I have no room to talk.  Remember this?


Dude, Where's My Car?

Sunday Afternoon

Villa Parking Lot

Chris, Ann-Marie and I walk out to the parking lot to attend the Deaf Ward. I lead the group to the spot where I always park my car. Except... it's not there. "What the crap? Where's my car?"

Thinking that maybe I'm just an idiot and parked my car some place else in the lot, we started wandering around looking for it. But it wasn't there. I thought that maybe somebody was just playing a prank on me and moved it. I mean, I did steal Ramos' car last year. A couple times. And moved it to make him crazy. I had it coming. So we looked around the entire Villa parking lot. No car. Ann-Marie and Chris went to my place to listen to Kat laugh about it. I went to Provo High School and the Seminary building with Lisa to see if it was over there. It wasn't.

By now, an hour has passed and there's still zero sign of my car. And I don't know anybody who would play a prank like that any more. I mean, I only know my parents. And so I came back to the apartment. A small crowd had gathered there because somebody losing a car is entertaining and new. Who loses a car? It's not like I lost the keys. I lost the whole freaking car! What's left to do? It's been an hour. I can't find it. I guess it's stolen. I don't know who in their right mind would steal my car but it's the only other thing I can think of. So, I called the police.

And they hung up on me.

So I called back.

And I reported it missing.

"I'll send an officer over."

"Okay," I said.

And I waited. The people talked and laughed about funny mission stories. I laid on the big yellow ball of happiness, sprawled over it on my back. And I just thought as I waited for the officer to arrive.

I thought about my checkbook balance. And about how I needed to repaint my toenails. And about how much I disliked police officers. And about how the school year was almost over. And about how I should probably visit my family at some point. And about how lame yesterday was because I had to be at work on a Saturday at 7am...

I shot up! I gasped! "It's at WORK!!!" I yelled. "It's at work because I had to be there at 7:30am and then I carpooled up to Salt Lake for that convention thingy but I got out an hour early and so YOU drove me home!" I pointed accusingly at Kat. The room was silent only for a split second before the laughter and mocking started. Yes, I am an idiot. I didn't forget that I parked my car a few slots away than usual... but a few blocks away from usual.

And so I called the police back.

"Hi, I'm Emily Hansen and I just reported my car stolen. But I just had an epiphany and... it's not."

"Okay, we'll cancel the call."


And that was it. 


I'm in Salt Lake City this week and my heart is happy.  I hate the snow and I'm not a big fan of the whole desert but... man!... I love these people!!