There's nothing nastier than being stuck in unmoving traffic. Actually...
There's nothing nastier than being stuck in unmoving traffic behind a larger than life truck painted black with fire stickers and other stickers in their back window one claiming that "bad ass boys drive bad ass toys" and other claiming that "bad ass girls drive bad ass toys" and yet another in the middle of them claiming "baby on board" with tires taller than my car leaving their bumper at the height of my car and a disgusting plastic display of male anatomy dangling from their trailer hitch.
I started to dry heave and realized that I had to get out from behind the beast. So I did some quick thinking and even quicker maneuvering and got around him/her/baby and got safely in front of "it".
But as I turned my attention away from the freak show in my rearview mirror and towards the vehicle in front of me I realized that my new companion was only minorly less psychologically damaging than the last. This time it was a disgusting display of female anatomy. And I couldn't help but think I was in the middle of a potentially hazardous situation. But I was stuck. Traffic was gridlocked. So I turned on my stereo as loud as it would play and focused on the tires and pavement in front of me until traffic finally picked up and I was able to drive away just as Haley Joel Osment ran out of that room he had been locked into with those violent ghosts on "The Sixth Sense."
Which is why I had a sudden desire to move to Maryland after reading this article this morning.
I sound like a guy. I lost my voice on Tuesday (at least I lost the feminine portion of my voice on Tuesday) and it still hasn't decided to come home. My throat doesn't hurt at all. It's kind of scratchy and dry. But it doesn't hurt. So nothing kept me from doing my regular amount of oral reading and lecturing all week in the classroom. (Although it would be hard to convince somebody that I've never had a cigarette in my life.)
On Thursday I apologized to one of my classes. "Sorry, guys. I don't know why I still sound like a guy. You'll just have to deal with it I guess."
One of my students replied, "That's okay Miss Hansen. You usually have a little girl's voice. Now you just sound grown up."
I've been home sick the last two days. I've got the flu. Again. But as much as it sucked being sick. I choose illness over work. It might be time for me to look for a new job. I'm thinking Issaquah. Or Bellevue. Or something. But that's besides the point. Over the last three days as I layed on my couch watching old episodes of the Golden Girls I couldn't help but think... I miss my Provo friends... and even... a little tiny bit... I miss Provo itself.