Circular
You pay your quarter, you get on the carousel and you go up, down and around... circular.

I think my spinning carousel is turning at a dangerous pace. Because I got super dizzy last night. On my rush to 69 from Costco (my third time in that parking lot in one day) I admitted a secret to Lisa, "I'm doing too much."
"Yep."

My mom used to say she was doing too much. Actually, she'd scream it at me. "I can't make dinner right now, can't you see I'm doing too much!" or "I don't have time to go to your softball games! I'm doing too much!" And all the while she was saying this, she wouldn't even have time to make eye contact with me... because Oprah was on.

So I used to think that "doing too much" didn't exist. People just said that when they weren't willing to do any more. If there's an empty half hour in your day, if you're able to sit, then you're not doing too much.

But that's not true.

Because different people have different limits of what they can do. My mom had a lower limit than most. Maybe she really was doing too much even though to me it looked like she wasn't doing anything at all. And just because I had this egotistic idea that I had no limit doesn't mean that that's true. Because I think I hit mine.

The almost 40 hours I spend working at Wasatch each week, the 10 - 15 hours I spend working at Kara's each weekend, the 10+ hours I spend in class each week, the 20 hours I put in for my practicum, the countless added hours I spent reading, studying, writing papers, taking tests, assessing students, creating lesson plans and teaching lesson plans have finally broken me.

I'm doing too much.

I don't have nearly enough time for things that matter. Like being a good friend and being thoughtful and considerate.

So, with the risk of me sounding like my mother I say, "I'm sorry I haven't been there. I'm doing too much." But just saying sorry doesn't cut it. So I say, "I will be cutting back on some things (work/school hours) to make more time for you. Because I love you."

But I'm not really turning into my mother, right??