More Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark

My kids picked a book for me to read to them. It's called "More Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark" and I remember reading the original "Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark" when I was a pre-teen in pansy denial. The stories terrified me and it was the first book I didn't finish.

But I'm 25 now. I'm a big girl. And I would be reading it in a lighted classroom. No biggie. And when I started to read the stories it was hard for me not to laugh. The stories were so lame! I couldn't believe these stories had ever made me feel scared.

What I really couldn't believe, though, was that I had a long night of nightmares that night. All night long vampires and zombies were chasing me. Also, at one point Superman showed up wearing his regular attire excpet it was loose-fitting and sequined. And Lois and I were friends. And Perry died. And Superman was evil and trying to kill me.

Did I mention I had been watching season two of Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman?

We're Going to the Super Bowl!

Today Seattle played in the championship game for the first time in 22 years when they lost to Oakland in 1984. But today's game turned out different because they WON! Seattle's going to the Super Bowl for the first time ever! Can you believe it? Can you? In all the Seahawk games I watched growing up (okay there weren't THAT many) they never won a single one. The team grew up while I wasn't looking. They grow up so fast, don't they?

Super Bowl party. My place. Wear green and blue.

Is This Funny? Is It Funny Now?

I went online to take the tbs humor survey as advertised so brilliantly on TV. You know the one. Where the guy runs into a window, the girl falls into a hole and the old guy reading gets hit in the face with a pie. That one. The one that I've seen a million times and still laugh so hard my abs hurt. If you could call them abs. Which you can't. Anyway, long story made longer I found this hillarious little activity. I lauged so hard I cried. Literally. I cried literal tears. And I think I found my abs.

Stoned

I had an experience with a kidney stone before. But it wasn't anything like this! If only I had known that a tiny stone extracted in such a painful and disgusting way could have paid for the hospital bill that resulted from the experience and my student loans! The tiny Shatner stone is worth more than it's weight in gold or diamond. And I had three of those things! $75,000 would have gone a long way...

Text Messaging

I went through some of my old text messages in my phone. Just a few...

"Love you" - Judy
"Blood test normal, waiting on the poop." - Julie
"Darn tootin" - Jay
"wow that sounds awesome. (...not)" - Wayne
"I THINK I HAVE PINKEYE" - Lisa
"This guy is a serious loser." - Julie
"Taking vowels out of words doesn't ALWAYS make them cool." - Jon
"One time i rocked so hard i killed a man!" - Heather
"Grab me some tots" - Julie (when I was driving through Idaho)
"You smell like poo." - Leah
"You are the pizza crust beneath my tomato sauce." - Jon
"Boys smell weird. And they never call when they should. Let's get rid of them all, or keep them. I can never decide." - Heather
"I have no clue maybe the northwest pigeons" - Judy (when I asked her what gang my cousin belonged to)
"I have a belly button." - Caroline
"I miss your crazy ass!" - Leah
"Take a wack at weaser" - Sandy
"I hate you" - Jay

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

I was cleaning up the kitchen. I put the dirty dishes in the sink and started throwing away the rest. I heard my mom gasp.
"Emily! What are you doing?!"
"Cleaning up. I know it looks strange to you but don't be alarmed."
"No, what are you doing with that bottle?"
I looked down at my hands. I was holding an empty plastic Sprite bottle poised above the garbage can.
"I'm throwing away the garbage."
My mom looked at me like I was crazy and did what she always does when she can't figure me out and I'm in trouble. She yelled for my dad.
With horror and fear in her voice she yelled, "Bill! Bill! Our daughter has forgotten how to recycle!"
My dad hollered back, "NO!!!"
He came running in, opened the garbage lid and started pulling things out, "Cans, bottles, napkins... oh, no! A milk carton?!"
I took a shocked step back. What was I doing?? Who have I become?! Years and years of learning recycling songs, chanting, planting trees, enjoying countless hours of recycling videos and puppet shows and now I'm just throwing everything into the same bin?
"I'm... I'm sorry," I stammered in a shocked whisper. "I... um... they don't have recycling bins in Utah like they do here... I guess I just... forgot."
My dad continued his trash can search for anything else that could be recycled, my mom watched with a hand over her mouth and I sulked over to the sink to load the dishwasher.