Tear Free

I need to cry.  I have that tight feeling in my chest matched with the mild but ever-present headache residing at the nape of the neck and mid-forehead as well as the burning eyes and tight throat.  It's like when you need to sneeze and even though you don't really want to sneeze, it's way better than holding it in and it's kind of upsetting if it never comes because... man... you needed that release.  Just like that dumb volcano in Alaska that everybody's been freaking out about because it's going to blow at any moment and then it didn't for weeks and weeks.  Then finally it gave a few puffs over a few days and that was it.  How disappointing.  And I'm disappointed.  Because all of the signs are there but I just can't cry.  No release.  I have reasons to cry.  I'm upset about them.  I'm sad about them.  I'm kind of mad about them.  But there's no release.  Maybe I put it off for too long.  No time to cry now, much too busy!  I can't cry yet, the trial's not even over yet.  I can't cry now, people will know.  And now after all that waiting, I can't cry at all.  I put on my sad songs, took in the crap, processed the garbage and feel I understand my predicament.  It's not awesome.  But even with that... no tears.  And now that I've typed this... I'm kind of over it.  Kind of.

P.S.  I just got a call that I have to pick up my mom.  Nope... still nothin'.  :)