Shower

Tear Free

I need to cry.  I have that tight feeling in my chest matched with the mild but ever-present headache residing at the nape of the neck and mid-forehead as well as the burning eyes and tight throat.  It's like when you need to sneeze and even though you don't really want to sneeze, it's way better than holding it in and it's kind of upsetting if it never comes because... man... you needed that release.  Just like that dumb volcano in Alaska that everybody's been freaking out about because it's going to blow at any moment and then it didn't for weeks and weeks.  Then finally it gave a few puffs over a few days and that was it.  How disappointing.  And I'm disappointed.  Because all of the signs are there but I just can't cry.  No release.  I have reasons to cry.  I'm upset about them.  I'm sad about them.  I'm kind of mad about them.  But there's no release.  Maybe I put it off for too long.  No time to cry now, much too busy!  I can't cry yet, the trial's not even over yet.  I can't cry now, people will know.  And now after all that waiting, I can't cry at all.  I put on my sad songs, took in the crap, processed the garbage and feel I understand my predicament.  It's not awesome.  But even with that... no tears.  And now that I've typed this... I'm kind of over it.  Kind of.

P.S.  I just got a call that I have to pick up my mom.  Nope... still nothin'.  :)

Expired

Run!

There are two types of runners.  

There are the runners that run for the joy of running, hope and exploration.  

Then there are the runners that run to escape pain either real, perceived or potential.  

As much as I wish I were type A, I think we all know that I'm the latter.

Albuquerque

Also, this particular episode is one of my favorites.  I'm just saying.

Random Facts

I dyed my hair.  It's dark.

I'm totally pumped that Griffey is back and equally bummed that Opening Night is sold out.

My mom gave me poster board to make my brother a welcome home sign.  He doesn't come home until MAY!

The woman who did my makeup at Dior has twin girls who are named Paris and Dior.  No joke.  I promise never to name any children after my place of business.  There will be no future

 McMickens running around unless I open up my own McDonald's and name a new sandwich.  Or maybe McMickens would be bite-sized Chicken McNuggets.

I had a shopping day with Kari and it was awesome!

A kid I used to pick up in nursery when I was like twelve showed up in my single's ward today.   I smiled, shook his hand and welcomed him but I cried a little bit inside.  When did I get so old?

I watch TV with the Closed Caption on even when Wayne's not here.  Partly because I feel like I miss something when it's not on and partly because I don't know how to turn it off.

I only have one week left before Spring Break and I am so very excited!  I'm not, however, excited about the mountain of paperwork I have to get in beforehand.

But after the paperwork?  Only awesomeness!  I have already burned a few books on CD for the road trip down to Utah.  I can't wait to see My Loves again!!

Yellow

I met a guy last Friday who claims he can read auras. Apparently mine is yellow. Bright yellow. So some other newly aware aura sporters and myself looked up what our colors meant on the internet. Mine can be found here. Whatever. It's not like I needed one more person (or the internet) telling me I'm a child. I ran around Disneyland like a six-year-old on Pixie Stix. If I didn't have the right amount of peer pressure, I'd live in a fort made of blankets, watch Disney movies and play Nintendo all day and live off of Cheetos and pizza.

The occupations I also found amusing because deep down I feel like I was supposed to be a drummer. Maybe I really was meant to be Blade of Table Nine. Think it's too late?

At Least It Wasn't Raining

You wanna know what's not awesome?  Walking over a mile to my sister's house... uphill... without a jacket... in my torn pajama bottoms... on wet dirt... in my socks... carrying a 12 lb dog... because when the "sign-my-paper" dude came to the door and the dogs flipped out and one escaped so I ran after him and closed the door behind me so the other one wouldn't escape but, of course, did this all about a whole millisecond before I realized my keys and my cell phone were in the house and my door is always locked so that crazy people can't just walk in.  Crazy people like me!!  So the "sign-the-paper" dude watched the circus, had me sign the paper and then seriously started to walk away before I said, "Uh... think I could use your phone?"  So he walked to his apartment and brought back a cell phone.  But you know what?  I only know one number.  My parents' number.  The same number I memorized before entering preschool in case I got lost or abducted or smart enough to run away and start prank calling.  So I called that number.  And nobody was home.  So I left a message that sounded a lot like this, "Hi Dad.  It's me, Emily.  I'm locked out of my condo so would you please come bring me the key as soon as you get this message?  I'll be waiting.  Oh, I don't have shoes.  So... I won't be going anywhere.  Please hurry."  The "sign-my-paper" dude listened as I left the pathetic message, asked if I had someplace to wait and then when I said I had a sister a mile up the hill but I wouldn't be going there because I'm in socks he smiled and walked away.  So the trek to my sister's began.  

But... at least it wasn't raining.  And I only had to carry one dog instead of both.  Also, the bedroom window I was scared was weak enough to give way with a slight nudge holds up a lot better than I thought.  So, there's that.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Yeah, we really were having that much fun.

See, there's at least one other person who knows how to rock St. Patrick's Day.

Bouncing Baby Boy

I know that my voice is annoying.  Sorry.  :)

But, really, have you ever seen a kid that good looking??

Special

Be Mine

25 Things

I did this on facebook.  And now it's on my blog.  Today is my blog's 6th birthday.  It's a twofer.  Or a threefer.  Whatever.  

1.  Sometimes I dream in ASL.

2.  I was a girl scout for six years.  I wanted to be a boy scout.  They got to do the cool stuff.  We made crap out of pom pom balls and hot glue and sang songs with Canadians.

3.  I played softball for 12 years.  First base was my favorite position.  I took it very seriously and would chant under my breath, "Nobody gets on my bag!  Nobody gets on my bag!"  My sophomore year my team celebrated an undefeated season. It was the same year I broke my nose in the 2nd inning and, ignoring my coach's request to sit a few innings out, kept playing through the end. 

4.  I played softball for my high school team for only one season because the other girls made fun of me.  Apparently softball was a "popular" sport and I didn't fit in the category.  I still regret letting them get to me like that.

5.  For a long time I thought my brother's Deafness was my fault because I loved Linda Bove on Sesame Street so much I prayed for a Deaf friend.

6.  I played piano for six years and loved every minute of it.  My piano lives in my condo now and every day I look at it and wish I could take piano lessons again.  Maybe this summer.  :)

7.  I own a guitar but don't know how to play.  I took one class in college and I totally sucked.  I bought the guitar about three years after that class.  I still want to learn how to play but I can't even tune the thing.

8.  I played flute for six years and was one of those high school band kids that got teased for being one of those high school band kids.  I told everybody my mom was making me do it but she really didn't care what I did.  I played because I loved it.

9.  When I was four, a random lady purposefully ran me down with her cart at our local grocery store.  I mean, she started running towards me, eyes a-blazing and ran me down.  I broke my leg and was in a cast up to my hip for a very long time.

10.  I grew up in the same house my whole life and my parents are still married.  I had no idea how rare that was until I went to college.

11.  As much as it sucks sometimes, I really love my job.  Being a special ed teacher is a constant reminder of how blessed I am and how much power I have to help other people.

12.  I love to travel.  Visiting new places and meeting new people makes me feel light and optimistic because I realize more fully that there are good people everywhere.  However, I haven't been to that many places.  Yet.

13.  My balance is horrible.  I fall and run into things all the time.  Just yesterday I was walking down my hallway and randomly tripped and stumbled into the wall.

14.  I have two chihuahuas.  I don't even really like small dogs that much.  But I love mine.  It's awesome that they're so excited when I get home from work and every idea I have is brilliant.  "What?  You want to go into the living room now?  Great!  I'll sit on your lap.  Oh!  Now you're walking into the kitchen!  I'll follow you!"  It's like having my own fan club.

15.  I have a very firm belief that Disneyland really IS the happiest place on Earth.

16.  I love books.  I own almost 300 of them.  The smell of a new book makes me much happier than it probably should.

17.  I once saved my mom's life by performing the Heimlich maneuver at Taco Time when she choked on a tortilla chip.

18.  I'm a big sports fan.  I go to several Mariners games a year and watch every football game (no matter who is playing) that I can.  A growing percentage of my clothing is BYU, Mariners and Seahawks related.

19.  I tell people I bought a Toyota Yaris because it was fuel efficient.  I really bought it because it was cheap and cute.

20.  When I was a child and in my teens I had some real issues with texture that resulted with me gagging at just the sight of things like pudding, yogurt, cheesecake and cottage cheese.  In fact, I still gag at the sight of cottage cheese.  

21.  I drove all the way across the country to pick up a suburban that my friends bought from some people in New York on ebay.  It was awesome!

22.  I have a sometimes pretty severe speech impediment.  In first grade a speech therapist pulled me out of class one time to try to fix it.  She succeeded in teaching me how to say the "ch" sound instead of relying on the "sh" sound as a substitute.  She gave up on the rest of my freakish speech patterns.  To this day whenever I visit the Lunsford home Jeff shouts, "The big E!  Pull up a shair!  We're having shicken tonight!"  And I love it.

23.  I love being outside.  Nature is my friend.  I love hiking, camping, chilling on Lopez Island and just enjoying the view from my condo.  Sunsets are gorgeous in the Puget Sound area.  I love the smell of pine, especially after it's rained recently.  Also, the mountains and the water... beautiful!

24.  Halloween is my favorite holiday.  But... I'm afraid of everything.  I can't watch anything even remotely scary or potentially hurtful on screen.  I can't watch any part of a movie that has to do with blood, hitting or hear any sounds of pain.  I try to be sneaky about covering my eyes and ears.  I rarely succeed.  I hid behind the couch during Jurassic Park and had a very traumatic experience while watching ET that may or may not have resulted in PTSD.

25.  I started going gray at 12 years old.  I think that says it all.

Today I am Little Miss Trouble

Royale Confusion

Ouch

Hairspray

Mental Health Day

PostSecret

So I have been fully engulfed in reading the archives of this blog which has been turned into several awesome books that I want to own one day.

People tell some pretty impressive secrets on this thing always on a post card.  And it's all artsy and cool.  I wonder who these people are and whether they're all real secrets.  

Either way, I'm inspired.  I will post a secret of my own for your viewing pleasure.