I'm a huge dork. But I wasn't always like this. I used to be an even bigger dork. Dorky and shy. I didn't say a word until the 7th grade. That's when I became the ringleader of my dorky group of friends. Wow... good times. By 8th grade I was confident and comfortable with my dorkiness. But 9th grade... wow... that's high school and I got really scared again. But I had a plan. Keep the mouth zipped and move in the shadows. A person not noticed is a person not violated.
So it's my first day of high school. I'm walking through the old cafeteria/big room thing (I don't remember what we called it). The first bell rang and I started off to find my first class. I was walking behind two very large senior football players. (They cast a very big shadow and following them seemed to fit right into my plan of being unnoticed.) We approached the doors to lead outside. They each threw open the doors. Small catch... the middle divider of the two doors had been ripped out (probably by the same guys that were ahead of me) and so I walked right threw the middle and WAM! Both doors hit me at the same time and I... well... I was stuck. Arms pinned against my body, I wasn't going anywhere. My yelp of surprise made the two guys ahead of me turn around and then it was all over. Low, hardy chuckles erupted and heads turned as they each yanked a shoulder to pull me free. "Wow, didn't see you back there. You're short. How tall are you? You must be a freshman. Think you'll grow?" A few quick mumbles of thanks for my freedom and I darted off to see what else could possibly go wrong in high school.
So then years later it's college graduation day. Waiting for over an hour before the ceremony began gave me an opportunity to make a few new friends. The girls were nice and we chatted through the ceremony (what were their names again?). But somehow between our chairs and the stage we got all messed up and I ended up next to the biggest guy I've ever seen. We walk across the stage and he follows behind, I trip on my gown and he catches me and then we sit down in our seats (well, I sat on the right half of my seat and let him seep onto the other half) and he turns and in a deep voice he says, "Hehe... you're small. How tall are you?"
"5'2"."
"Hahaha! I'm 7'3"."
"Cool. That's... neat..."
It amuses me that my height amuses others. That's all.

When you tell somebody you graduated, the conversation always ends up the same way...
"So, what are you going to do now?"
Duh, duh, dum!!!!
Uh... here's something interesting... I DON'T KNOW! I thought I had it figured out but now that I'm here I realize that I don't have anything figured out. So, I'll just chill here, try to earn some money and do my best to be productive while I wait for some answers.
Right now I'm like Wayne on Wayne's World as he goes to visit this great white electric guitar in the shop's window. There's his dream guitar, complete with heavenly lighting. Garth's in the car, rolling his eyes and talking to the camera, "He does this every Friday." And then to Wayne, "Stop torturing yourself, man! You'll never 'ford it!" Here's me staring through the store window thinking, "Man, didn't I do everything necessary to get that guitar? I had it all figured out. Grad school. Life." But there's my friend in the car talking sense into my head, "LIVE IN THE NOW!" Ya... the "now" me is clueless. I'll get over it. In the meantime there's sunshine (hopefully), a pool, great books I've been wanting to read for four years, great friends and familial freedom. What more does a new alumni need? I'm set for the summer time.

And I'm free again. The parents just left and are on their way back to Seattle. It was a decent visit. No major fights (at least none when I was in earshot...) Well, no major fights that I was involved in. K? We ate good food. I didn't have to pay for anything (except for when I sneaky bought my dad that DVD) and things ran relatively smoothly. A few highlights from the visit...

ONE: (I wasn't here for this one... and I don't regret it...) On the way down here (Mom, Dad, Judy, Wayne). Somewhere in Idaho passing a large pasture full of cows...
Mom: Oh look! Wow!
Silence...
Mom: Look! You're gonna miss it!!
Silence...
Mom: Did you see that?? That cow had TWINS!!
Judy: What are you talking about?
Mom: That cow had TWO babies next to it! They're TWINS! That doesn't happen very often! Wow!!!
Judy: Mom, how do you know that both of those calves belonged to that one cow? There were like 300 of them all in the same area...
Mom: They were both standing right next to her and they looked the same. TWINS!
Judy: They're COWS! They all look the same!
Mom: They were TWINS! And it was really cool! Bill! Tell Judy that they were twins!
Silence...
Mom: Bill!!!!!!
Dad: They could have been twins, Judy. (winks to the back seat)
Judy: Look, whatever.
Mom: TWINS!!!!!!!

TWO: Shopping at Walmart... Getting ready to leave...
Mom: (Throws shampoo bottle in cart) I guess I'll buy your Dad shampoo! Man!
Judy: Dad needs shampoo again, huh? That must really be upsetting. Next thing you know he'll want to eat something...
Mom: (Doesn't get it... stares...)
Judy: You can't be mad about Dad needing shampoo. That's dumb. Remember how it's Dad paying for everything even though you're the one actually handing over the money?
Mom: Why couldn't he just use the hotel shampoo?
Judy: Because he doesn't want to and doesn't have to. It's one of the perks up being a grown-up.
Mom: Oh. Well, where is he now??
Judy: I don't know.
Mom: Man! He always takes off!
Judy: Where's Wayne?
Mom: I don't know.
Judy: Man! He always takes off!
Mom: Did you just copy what I said?
Judy: Maybe.
Mom: Don't do that.
Judy: Why?
Mom: I'm gonna tell Dad.
Judy: But you don't know where he is.
Mom: (growls and walks away...) BILL?!?!?!?!

Later during that same trip...
Dad: Look! I needed a calculator and I found TWO for FIVE dollars! I love this place!
Mom: Why do you need two calculators?
Dad: I don't know. But I can get two for five dollars and I'm gonna do it.
Mom: Grrrrr... (mumbles) He buys such stupid things with his money... (shouts) Ooh! Look, beaded keychains!!
Judy: What the #%@!???
Mom: Emily! Go run over there and find one that says, "Mom's Taxi" and another one that says "I love cats". Go!
Me: Okay...
Judy: What the #%@!???
Mom: One's for me and one's a gift for Shelly, the lady taking care of grandma...
Judy: Huh...
Mom: Hey... where's the ring I'm buying??? Oh, the dumb calculators were on top of it...

THREE: At the Old Spaghetti Factory (Dad doesn't eat out much...)
Mom: I remember this place. We went for Judy's birthday.
Judy: You remember that?
Mom: Yep. How old were you?
Judy: Sixteen.
Dad: You ate here when you were sixteen? But this place is brand new... and you've never been to Utah... you hate it here...
Judy: Dad... the one in Seattle...
Dad: Oh.
Me: So, Dad... what are you going to get?
Dad: (opens the menu) OH WOW!!!!!!! Wow!!!!! I just don't... WOW!!!!
Wayne: (tap tap tap... "why is dad so excited?")
Me: ("I think it's because he gets to eat... and the food is going to be good")
Wayne: Hehehe ("cool")
Dad: Oh wow!!!! They have lasagna?? WOW! And spaghetti???
Waitress: Sorry about the wait. Anything to drink?
Dad: So, what's good??
Waitress: Well... I like the lasagna best but everything is good. Are you ready to order?
Dad: Wow!!!! Look at that!!!!
Judy: We may need a minute...
Waitress: Okay.
Time passes...
Waitress: Are you ready to order?
Dad: I'd like spaghetti and meatballs.
Waitress: What kind of salad dressing would you like?
Dad: Um, I didn't order a salad. Spaghetti and meatballs, please.
Waitress: A house salad come with your meal. So does ice cream at the end. And we also provide loaves of sour dough bread...
Dad: WOW!!!! That all comes with the meal???
Waitress: Yes, what kind of salad dre...
Dad: All of it?? It's all part of this Spaghetti and meatball thing I ordered???
Waitress: Yes... what kind of sa...
Dad: WOW!!!!! uh... do you have Thousand Island?
Waitress: Yes..
Dad: WOW!!!! That'd be great!!!! Thanks!!! Thank you!!!!!!

Okay... that's all for now... Maybe more stories will be shared as time goes on and when I'm in therapy...

I'm free!!! It's true! I finished all four of my classes today... and all between the hours of 11 and 6. Spectacular. Today I came home, sat on my couch and watched TV for an hour with NO GUILT! There was nothing else due. No more school. "School's out for summer! School's out FOREVER!!" I like it. I like it a lot. There's no getting around it.

It's Easter. It doesn't seem so exciting (or stressful) as it used to be. Remember when you were little? In our family, we used to wake up in the morning and go on an Easter egg hunt. It was usually in our house since it was almost always rainy outside. So my brother, sister and I would run around the house looking behind curtains and under couch cushions for little plastic eggs filled with candy. Good times.
And then there came the middle years where somehow I turned into the Easter Bunny. That was weird. These were the years between about ten or eleven until I was about fifteen. But I still got the candy. So I was okay.
Then came the years when mom took over again. And in order to be "cool" since her kids were older, she asked us if we wanted her to put money in the eggs instead. I totally fell for it! We all did. Money was always better, right? Wrong. We should have known. We hunted like crazy for those eggs but then when we collected and opened up our eggs we knew we'd been dooped. All change. And rarely was a quarter found. I made around $1.50 that day. We should have kept the chocolate plan. But there's no more hiding eggs. No, no. The baby is sixteen now and he thinks Easter egg hunts are lame. (See? He's a fool, too. Always go for the free goodies, baby brother! Stay as long as you can!) It's been a few years now since I've been home for Easter. And I feel good about that. I've got a huge jar full of loose change, a Macy's bag with leftover Easter chocolate from the roommate shinanegans and a shout-fest free dinner planned. So as far as I'm concerned, I win. Easter is mine!
I'll win the holiday war... I will! One holiday at a time. First it was New Years... and then Independence Day... now Easter... what next? What next?

My parents come in five days. It'll be fun.

Today I managed to run into...
Four door frames
Three doors
Three walls
Two people
Two plastic people at the mall and
One car
So... ya... I think I'm doing better. Don't you think?

A Quiz about ME! Good times!

Poor Sarah... I love you, you know! Feel better! Sarah, here are some things to remind you of how much you love me... and to give you something to do between "trips". Hehe... remember your dad and Squirt? Good times...

Rainbow Brite
Care Bears
Strawberry Shortcake
Big Wheels
Barbie
My Car (picture it Maroon and all crumpled up)
Our Elementary School
Our Other Elementary School
Our Middle School
Our High School (Isn't it funny how not one of those pictures depict what it looked like when we went there? "In the ghetto!")
Wow... this is scary...
It was more than a Small Wonder that we ran home to watch re-runs of this...
Full House
Family Matters
Toilet Papering Fun

One thing that really irritates me... and really scares me... is when my mom is right. It happens on occasion. In fact, it happens more than I'd like to admit. She says so many weird and crazy things that I usually just blow it off with a, "Sure, Mom. Whatever you say." Then I walk away thinking, "What the heck? From what cob-webbed corner of her brain did that come from?" But every now and again, one of the crazies is true. She'll say something totally off the wall and bizarre, I'll blow it off and within the next couple of days I'll hear it from somebody sane, or read it somewhere, that whatever she said was right. It freaks me out! And it's made my life a lot more complicated. I mean... if she was just spouting out insanities it'd be easy to blow it all off and move on... but with the random truths spurting out, I have to take everything into consideration, sort and filter. And, quite frankly, the process makes me crazy. Before I know it I'll be buying people bobble heads, warning them about blue jays and dressing my dog up like a princess. Will you still love me when I'm crazy?

I got an email from a friend last night. And even though it was written in... I dunno... some sort of "code"... I got the gist of it. And the gist of it was that I was a social reject and a horrible friend. And it's true. I go through these weird cycles where I'm nice and normal for a while but then... and I'm not sure how... but I forget or in an attempt to avoid the obvious I visit, and then get lost in, my happy apathy place. It's one of life's mysteries... and it leaves those around me to yell, "Man! You were NORMAL yesterday!" And I just have to laugh because... I wasn't normal yesterday. I was just pretending. Man... you fell for that???? Fools!

I signed a year of my life away the other day. A year. 12 months. That's a long time. As soon as I did it I had a slight panic attack. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. A year. Did I really want to do that? A full year? I don't even have a game plan! Scary. Transitional phases are funny... in a terrifying sort of way. Like menopause but without the hot flashes. Or a mid-life crisis without the convertible. A year. Was I crazy??? Can I get out of if??? Do I want to get out of it??? Somebody help me!!!

Dote... I hate mornings... I have to go to work? Again? Are you serious? Why can't I just spend my day with Liz, Kat and Heather? Why? Why?

My parents are funny. It's true. Apparantly, not being able to find your favorite pencil is cause for a mental breakdown... but having a pseudo-child missing is no cause for alarm. Not having the right kind of orange juice available at the grocery store is a national disaster... but having two heart attacks is no reason to get worked up. Maybe this is why I'm so worried about them coming down for my graduation. Are they going to be in breakdown/disaster mode? Or calm/no biggie mode? I just don't know. Is a graduation more like orange juice or a heart attack? Is a road trip like a missing pencil or missing child? I just don't know. I just hope there won't be any blue jays around... they're vicious, you know...

Hmmmm... why would anyone name their kid Carmen? What does it make you think of?
1 - Carmen or...
2 - Carmen or maybe even...
3 - Carmen????
Hmmmm... well... the opera Carmen of course! It's as commonly known as The Magic Flute!!!!!

Today I got punched in the jaw. Yes... the demon child rears his ugly head... or fist. I've been in a ridiculous amount of pain since friday when he kicked me in the head and I was kind of hoping that the hit would make it better somehow. Like when I was in Girl Scouts. I was probably about ten and for some reason (I don't remember what had happened to me to start it) my back was killing me. No matter which way I turned, I was in pain. My mom didn't believe me and wouldn't take me to the doctor. Then one weekend my Girl Scout troup went "camping". I didn't want to go because of the back pain thing... but mom made me. While at "camp" (we were about 10 blocks from my house and we were staying in a cabin nicer than my house) we all had to go horseback riding. Now, I'm a fan of the horses... but ow... the back was a-hurtin' and I knew it wouldn't be a good experience. But the leader said get on and so I got on. At first, it hurt. A lot. But then the horse started to trot, I heard a loud crack and... I was CURED!!!! It was a miracle! I loved that horse. I loved Girl Scouts. I loved "camping". But that didn't work today. Maybe it was because he hit me on the same side of my face. Maybe I'll ask him to give me a nice solid kick on the ride side next time. Or maybe I'll just go horseback riding.

See no evil, smell no evil, speak no evil, kiss no evil. Hehehe... sometimes I amuse myself so much...

Top Three Reasons That I Don't Want to go to Campus:
1-It's snowing (cold and wet... not a good combination)
2-I only have to go for about 10 min... is it worth the hike?
3-I really don't want to. No, no.

Top Three Reasons That I'll Go Anyway:
1-I've been a pretty bad TA thus far. Must take care of business.
2-The graded papers are due today.
3-I have to.

And so I go... grrrrr... hiss...

Yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap...

The first grade. Good times. Today we had an earthquake drill and it reminded me of the good ol' days when I was in elementary school and we learned exactly how to cram our bodies under the desk in order for us to undergo the least amount of damage. Good times. I know the drills were meant to make us take earthquakes seriously but we had all been through so many small quakes that they were more like free rides on the merry-go-round than anything to be scared of. Anyway, after the drill the 20 youngens had a little discussion about earthquakes and safety. They asked a lot of important questions. Deep questions. Questions that left me to ponder. Help me out here...
Question 1: "But... what if I was sick and wasn't at school during an earthquake? How would I be able to follow the class to the safety spot?"
Question 2: "But... what if we didn't have desks to hide under? or tables? or door frames? could I hide in the closet then?"
Question 3: "But... what if it the snow was piled up so high outside that we couldn't get out after the earthquake?"
Question 4: "But... what if the snow was piled up so we couldn't leave, there was an earthquake AND a fire?? And... I don't like gold fish crackers... is there anything else in that safety bag to eat? Can we eat it now?"
And my personal favorite...
Question 5: "But... what would happen if the intercom stopped working and so the drill didn't go off? How would we know there was an earthquake?"

This Monica song has been stuck in my head all week. I don't think I've heard it since the 8th grade. But there it is...

It's just one of them days, when I wanna be all alone
It's just one of them days, when I gotta be all alone
It's just one of them days, don't take it personal
I just wanna be all alone, and you think I treat you wrong

I wanna take some time out to think things through
I know it always feels like I'm doing you wrong
but I'm so in love with you
So understand that I'm only in love your the only one I need
So have no thought that I want to leave and baby trust me please

1: Just one of them days
That a girl goes through
When I'm angry inside
Don't want to take it out on you
Just one of them days
Don't take it personal
I just wanna be all alone
And you think I treat you wrong

Don't take it personal
Baby baby baby baby, don't take it personal

I sit and I think about every thing we do
And I find myself in misery and that ain't cool
Hey now, I really want to be with you the whole way through
But the way you make me feel inside keeps me confused
As I swing back from mood to mood it's not because of you
I never want you to be insecure,
so won't you understand that I'm only in love, your the only one I need
I'll be there for you when you need me boy, so baby don't you leave

Don't take it personal
Baby baby baby baby, don't take it personal
Don't take it personal, yeah , don't take it personal

Don't take it personal baby
Personal baby, personal baby, personal baby
personal baby, personal baby