A Letter I Composed Last Night

To Whom It May Concern at Wasatch Elementary,

I am writing to inform you of my recent decision to come in late to work on Wednesday, December 15. My reasons for this decision are as follows...

• In the last 48 hours, 29 of them were work hours, 10 were hours asleep and the other 9 were spent praying for death.
• I have gained almost 15 pounds since last Christmas.
• My lungs burn, I'm still fighting off the last of my Pink Eye episode and I'm coughing up things that should never be allowed in the human body.
• I have a huge final tomorrow that I haven't been able to study for it yet and I will cry through Christmas if I lose my only solid A.
• My foot hurts.
• The heater on my car doesn't work.
• Let's face it, I would have been late anyways.
• I just took NyQuil so there's no way I'm getting up in time to make it even if I change my mind or if you say no.
• My roommate is crazy which means I haven't had a good night's sleep in four months.
• My mom is crazy which means I haven't had a good night's sleep in almost 24 years.
• You're crazy if you think I'll be showing up at 8:30.
• My head hurts, the room is spinning, I have no friends, no life, no motivation and my room is a mess.
• You can't make me.

In conclusion, I'll let you know when I'm coming and I'll let you know when I'm leaving. You will smile and nod and pretend to care. And we'll all walk away happy. Or at least alive.
Sincerely,
Emily Hansen