Home Sick
 
I can only remember being "homesick" three times in my life. 
1)  The first time was when I moved a thousand miles away from the only home I'd ever known to go to college.  But it wasn't the typical freshman homesickness.  I didn't miss my family, really.  I didn't yearn to be within those walls.  I didn't miss my bed.  I didn't miss those chats with mom.  I had never really had that anyway.  I missed my friends.  My home ward.  The kids I babysat.  My youth leaders.  That was the "home" I missed so much that I didn't eat for the first three months of college life. 
2)  The second time I was "homesick" was the fall of my Junior year of college.  I had spent the summer living in the Faerbers' basement and had spent almost every night rocking their precious baby to sleep.  There was almost always at least one extra little body in my bed.  There was always a cute face, a cute remark and childish games to play.  There was a safe place to come home to every night.  And I ate up the luxury of always having Julie to talk to.  Even though I knew they weren't my family and that it wasn't my real home, it was nice to pretend for a while.  And leaving was hard.  I still remember looking in on each of the four children as they slept, kissing them goodbye and then being grateful that Julie hadn't woken up to say goodbye to me so that she didn't have to witness my shameless tears as I wheeled my luggage out of their front door.  I cried myself to sleep for three weeks missing my dear friend and her beautiful babies.
3)  The third, and most recent time I felt that same heavy feeling of homesickness was Tuesday night as I drove off after dropping Shelby off at the resort in Park City.  We had spent over 24 hours together but it still didn't seem like enough time.  She had slept over at my place.  She went to work with me and I introduced her to my co-workers and students as my niece.  And I didn't feel like I was lying.  And we went to McDonalds and went swimming and got ice cream and went to the park and watched a movie and ate Taco Bell and played dress-up and sang Disney songs together until she fell asleep in the front seat of my car as I wound in and out through the curvy canyon roads on the way to Park City.  And I found myself again looking down on the now five Faerber children as they slept and kissing them goodbye and not being able to hold back the tears as I drove away and slid through the canyon roads and being so grateful for the time I was able to spend with them and hoping so much that they knew how much I loved them.  But missing them so much already that even though it was 2am when I got home and I was tired from playing hard, I still tossed and turned for hours before finally falling asleep.  And only found comfort in knowing that I could still call Julie.  And that I would be in WA again next month for another Faerber fix.  And understanding that sicknesses come and go with the seasons but relationships with people you love can survive any type of weather. 

I just feel a little home sick... and hungry.  Mostly hungry.