I was a pizza today. And then the Spirit of Christmas.
I watched all of the kids at the school parade around and I taught... nothing.
I talked to Heather and went to a party.
And played Speed Scrabble with the Freestones.
I found out that Leah's coming for a visit THIS weekend!
I ate a delicious breakfast sandwich from Gandolfo's.
And got a really nice compliment from my professor.
Good day. Good day.
How was your Halloween?
Monday, October 31, 2005
Monday, October 24, 2005
Mountain Time
I made the trip back from Seattle in twelve hours. I was cookin'. I was exhausted and smelly so I took a shower and then crawled into bed.
It was a rough night. It took me a while to fall asleep and it was a tossy and turny kind of night. When my alarm clock went off at 7am I didn't know where I was. Was I in Seattle? Where's Shelby and Preston? Was I in Utah? Is this my bed?
When I finally caught a hold of reality I jumped up and started getting ready for the day. I was replying to an email when I looked up at the right hand corner of my iBook and it said 8:30. 8:30? What's wrong with my computer? I looked at the wall. 8:30. 8:30!!
And then it dawned on me. I use my cell phone for my alarm clock. I turned my cell phone over to Pacific Time while I was in Seattle. And then forgot to change it back to Mountain Time!
I was wearing my work pants and my pajama top. No make-up. Hair in a ratty pony tail. Didn't care. I grabbed my purse and ran for my car. I was supposed to be at work at 8. The kids come in at 8:30. When I got there, they were waiting for me in my mentor teacher's room. I went in and picked them up and brought them to my class.
"Where were you? I've never had a TEACHER late before!"
Shut up.
It was a rough night. It took me a while to fall asleep and it was a tossy and turny kind of night. When my alarm clock went off at 7am I didn't know where I was. Was I in Seattle? Where's Shelby and Preston? Was I in Utah? Is this my bed?
When I finally caught a hold of reality I jumped up and started getting ready for the day. I was replying to an email when I looked up at the right hand corner of my iBook and it said 8:30. 8:30? What's wrong with my computer? I looked at the wall. 8:30. 8:30!!
And then it dawned on me. I use my cell phone for my alarm clock. I turned my cell phone over to Pacific Time while I was in Seattle. And then forgot to change it back to Mountain Time!
I was wearing my work pants and my pajama top. No make-up. Hair in a ratty pony tail. Didn't care. I grabbed my purse and ran for my car. I was supposed to be at work at 8. The kids come in at 8:30. When I got there, they were waiting for me in my mentor teacher's room. I went in and picked them up and brought them to my class.
"Where were you? I've never had a TEACHER late before!"
Shut up.
Friday, October 21, 2005
No Market for Kids
My grandma used to talk about me to her friends in front of me. Always good things. She'd tell her friends about my good grades or something I did for her and then she'd pull my face up to hers by holding up my chin and say, "It's too bad there's no market for kids."
For years I had no idea what that meant. I was probably in middle school before I realized it was a compliment.
I spent the whole day with her today. I got there at 7am and left around 8pm. I comforted her before her tests and reassured her after. I helped feed her, spoke to her doctors and talked to her about old times.
She thanked me over and over for coming. She bragged to the nurses about how she must have done something right to have her grandchild come so far to see her. And I could suddenly hear an echo from years before, my grandmother lifting my chin, smiling into my eyes and saying, "Too bad there's no market for kids."
For years I had no idea what that meant. I was probably in middle school before I realized it was a compliment.
I spent the whole day with her today. I got there at 7am and left around 8pm. I comforted her before her tests and reassured her after. I helped feed her, spoke to her doctors and talked to her about old times.
She thanked me over and over for coming. She bragged to the nurses about how she must have done something right to have her grandchild come so far to see her. And I could suddenly hear an echo from years before, my grandmother lifting my chin, smiling into my eyes and saying, "Too bad there's no market for kids."
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Yesterday
We went from a leaky breast implant, to a heart attack, to a spot on her liver. She suddenly can't remember where she is, what's going on and why she's wearing somebody else's flimsy robe.
And I just don't know what to do.
And I just don't know what to do.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Teaching Tragedies
You know what I love about my new job? Getting sick.
All the time.
Sick, sick, sick.
That's me.
I disninfected my whole classroom yesterday. Twice.
And yet... I'm sick again.
But at least I have a 4-day weekend this week.
Hurray!
Suckers...
__________________________________
Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005
http://mail.yahoo.com
Friday, October 14, 2005
Bleeding from the Eyes
I went to the doctor today.
Because although my eyes look better, the redness is spreading. Ew.
But apparantly, I don't have Pink Eye.
No... instead tons of blood vessels decided to explode at once. This is due to stress.
Therefore, I am so stressed that I am bleeding from the eyes!
I am so messed up.
Because although my eyes look better, the redness is spreading. Ew.
But apparantly, I don't have Pink Eye.
No... instead tons of blood vessels decided to explode at once. This is due to stress.
Therefore, I am so stressed that I am bleeding from the eyes!
I am so messed up.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Dear Eyes,
Aaaggghhh!! Why are you blood red? You look like something out of a horror movie. I think. I don't really watch horror movies. But I don't because I'm scared I'll see eyes that look like the ones that now reside in my own head. Why? Why? Why?
Bite me,
Emily
Dear Anonymous Kid,
I don't know who you are or where you sleep. But I'll find out. And then not another day will go by that I won't be following you around with hand sanitizer.
Watch it,
Miss Hansen
Dear Bishop,
Thanks for letting me come over last night and looking at my nasty eyes. Also, thanks for letting me dip into your personal pharmacy in an effort to heal me.
You're my hero,
Em
Dear Kat,
I'm sorry that I gave you Pink Eye. Please accept my apology and this bar of chocolate.
Condolences,
Em
Aaaggghhh!! Why are you blood red? You look like something out of a horror movie. I think. I don't really watch horror movies. But I don't because I'm scared I'll see eyes that look like the ones that now reside in my own head. Why? Why? Why?
Bite me,
Emily
Dear Anonymous Kid,
I don't know who you are or where you sleep. But I'll find out. And then not another day will go by that I won't be following you around with hand sanitizer.
Watch it,
Miss Hansen
Dear Bishop,
Thanks for letting me come over last night and looking at my nasty eyes. Also, thanks for letting me dip into your personal pharmacy in an effort to heal me.
You're my hero,
Em
Dear Kat,
I'm sorry that I gave you Pink Eye. Please accept my apology and this bar of chocolate.
Condolences,
Em
Monday, October 03, 2005
Dear Lady In My Class,
Bright pink lipstick does NOT go with everything. It just doesn't. Especially orange. Or green. Or purple. In fact, it doesn't go with anything a normal human being should wear. Please, please, just stop. You're hurting me. Also, if you inerrupt lecture to ask another question about Tier 2 and how that applied to each of your students in an individual basis one more time I'm going to snap.
Thanks so much,
The Pained
Bright pink lipstick does NOT go with everything. It just doesn't. Especially orange. Or green. Or purple. In fact, it doesn't go with anything a normal human being should wear. Please, please, just stop. You're hurting me. Also, if you inerrupt lecture to ask another question about Tier 2 and how that applied to each of your students in an individual basis one more time I'm going to snap.
Thanks so much,
The Pained
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Posting
Wow, I think I can post from email... I'm a freaking genius.
__________________________________
Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005
http://mail.yahoo.com
Friday, September 23, 2005
Little Bunny Foo Foo
Today I went to pick up one of my students from class
and on the way to my room she asked, "Do you like
bunnies?"
"Yes, I do."
"Well, I have a dead one... here... look!"
And in her hand was a little, gray and very dead
bunny. She smooshed it and petted it's little dead
head and hid it back in her sleeve. I heard an echo
of "pretty bird... pretty bird" in the back of my head
and I tried not to heave.
"How about you go sit in my office and I'll be right
back?"
"Okay."
I went over to our psych person and brought her in to
talk about the dead bunny, where she got it and how to
deal with it. They decided that the psych person
would throw it away and that the girl would have to
forego show and tell that day.
Ew.
I made the girl wash her hands. I washed my hands
(even though I never touched it) then disinfected the
table where it sat and my desk where she set it and
then washed my hands again. And again.
Today I went to pick up one of my students from class
and on the way to my room she asked, "Do you like
bunnies?"
"Yes, I do."
"Well, I have a dead one... here... look!"
And in her hand was a little, gray and very dead
bunny. She smooshed it and petted it's little dead
head and hid it back in her sleeve. I heard an echo
of "pretty bird... pretty bird" in the back of my head
and I tried not to heave.
"How about you go sit in my office and I'll be right
back?"
"Okay."
I went over to our psych person and brought her in to
talk about the dead bunny, where she got it and how to
deal with it. They decided that the psych person
would throw it away and that the girl would have to
forego show and tell that day.
Ew.
I made the girl wash her hands. I washed my hands
(even though I never touched it) then disinfected the
table where it sat and my desk where she set it and
then washed my hands again. And again.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Mickey D's
I got up really, really early this morning in order to attend a faculty meeting at 7:15 am. But when I got there, nobody else was. There was no meeting. And I didn't have to be back to work until 8am.
So I went to McDonalds to get breakfast.
I didn't want to because I only had my debit card and I refuse to go to McDonald's unless I have cash because McDonald's charges this ridiculous "50 cent transaction fee" that I just can't be okay with. Because nobody else does it. So why would McDonald's? I'm sure they're just pocketing the extra 50 cents for each card swipe and I'll have none of that!
But I was hungry. And it was really early. And I deserved a greasy, sausage and egg McMuffin with cheese.
So I went and winced as I handed over my debit card. But guess what?
No fee.
Free at last! Free at last!
I got up really, really early this morning in order to attend a faculty meeting at 7:15 am. But when I got there, nobody else was. There was no meeting. And I didn't have to be back to work until 8am.
So I went to McDonalds to get breakfast.
I didn't want to because I only had my debit card and I refuse to go to McDonald's unless I have cash because McDonald's charges this ridiculous "50 cent transaction fee" that I just can't be okay with. Because nobody else does it. So why would McDonald's? I'm sure they're just pocketing the extra 50 cents for each card swipe and I'll have none of that!
But I was hungry. And it was really early. And I deserved a greasy, sausage and egg McMuffin with cheese.
So I went and winced as I handed over my debit card. But guess what?
No fee.
Free at last! Free at last!
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Saturday, September 03, 2005
It's Come To This
The boyfriend pillow. Why? The pillow was invented and is now being sold in Japan. I'm worried. Really worried. What will the company logo be? A teardrop? And what will their pitch be? "Are you alone? Do you go to sleep every night by yourself? Will you probably always be alone? Sick of crying into your regular boring-shaped pillow? Well you can now dry your eyes and pretend your life's not worthless with "I Can't Believe It's Not A Man!" in local stores today!"
And now, the lap pillow! "I Can't Believe It's Not A Woman!"
Help me.
The boyfriend pillow. Why? The pillow was invented and is now being sold in Japan. I'm worried. Really worried. What will the company logo be? A teardrop? And what will their pitch be? "Are you alone? Do you go to sleep every night by yourself? Will you probably always be alone? Sick of crying into your regular boring-shaped pillow? Well you can now dry your eyes and pretend your life's not worthless with "I Can't Believe It's Not A Man!" in local stores today!"
And now, the lap pillow! "I Can't Believe It's Not A Woman!"
Help me.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Come What May
Kat's right. It's the beginning of a new year. I have a new job. New classes. New insurance. A new ward. A new condo. And a new opportunity to begin again.
It's time to pick a direction, make some goals and go for it. I've never been one to make New Year's Resolutions but here goes nothin'...
1. I'll drink less of this and more of this or at least substitute it more frequently with this
2. Well... let's just work on that one for now... It's going to take a lot more out of me than you know...
3. Seriously.
4. And maybe I'll try to be nicer.
It could happen...
Kat's right. It's the beginning of a new year. I have a new job. New classes. New insurance. A new ward. A new condo. And a new opportunity to begin again.
It's time to pick a direction, make some goals and go for it. I've never been one to make New Year's Resolutions but here goes nothin'...
1. I'll drink less of this and more of this or at least substitute it more frequently with this
2. Well... let's just work on that one for now... It's going to take a lot more out of me than you know...
3. Seriously.
4. And maybe I'll try to be nicer.
It could happen...
Thursday, August 18, 2005
The Return of Crazy Katie
Remember Katie?
The girl I shared a bedroom with last year?
The girl that screamed through the night?
The girl that screamed through the day?
The girl that attempted suicide twice?
The girl that made me find it necessary to live out of my car, sleep on couches and mooch off of the Manwarings?
The girl that I still have nightmares about?
Remember her?
Well... she's BACK!
She's one of the assistant janitors at the school I'm teaching at this year. I saw her. We pointed at eachother. And then I walked away. She has a key to my classroom. Has anyone seen the sequel to "Scream?" Because I haven't yet. And I feel that watching it might help me prepare for the worst.
Remember Katie?
The girl I shared a bedroom with last year?
The girl that screamed through the night?
The girl that screamed through the day?
The girl that attempted suicide twice?
The girl that made me find it necessary to live out of my car, sleep on couches and mooch off of the Manwarings?
The girl that I still have nightmares about?
Remember her?
Well... she's BACK!
She's one of the assistant janitors at the school I'm teaching at this year. I saw her. We pointed at eachother. And then I walked away. She has a key to my classroom. Has anyone seen the sequel to "Scream?" Because I haven't yet. And I feel that watching it might help me prepare for the worst.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Dry Sockets
When I got my wisdom teeth pulled, they didn't heal right. Or at all, really. Which left something oral surgeons call "dry sockets". It's a not-so-fancy word for large gaping holes in your mouth that will be there forever and will hurt for a long time.
This week I've had dry sockets of another sort. I can't cry. I want to cry. I really, really want to cry. I believe I have every right to cry right now. I'm frustrated and sad and I feel guilty and alone. All things that when mixed together by verbal battery should create tears. But yet, nothing. Nada. Dry sockets.
And I don't even get prescription pain killers. Something is wrong with this picture.
On the plus side, I get to come home today. I'll see some of you suckers later!
When I got my wisdom teeth pulled, they didn't heal right. Or at all, really. Which left something oral surgeons call "dry sockets". It's a not-so-fancy word for large gaping holes in your mouth that will be there forever and will hurt for a long time.
This week I've had dry sockets of another sort. I can't cry. I want to cry. I really, really want to cry. I believe I have every right to cry right now. I'm frustrated and sad and I feel guilty and alone. All things that when mixed together by verbal battery should create tears. But yet, nothing. Nada. Dry sockets.
And I don't even get prescription pain killers. Something is wrong with this picture.
On the plus side, I get to come home today. I'll see some of you suckers later!
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
NeoNerd
I hate to admit it but for the last year I've been leading a secret life. It was a year ago that I got my first run-in with kidney stones which left me stuck on my couch for several days. Julie called to check up on me and told me I should try doing what her kids do to pass the time. Play Neopets. She promised a land of lots of games. Always in search for new ways to procrastinate, I went ahead and created a Neopet and started playing games and earning points. It's been a year today that I signed on for the first time. I'm almost a millionaire in Neopia now. I'm a Neonerd. Do you still love me?
I hate to admit it but for the last year I've been leading a secret life. It was a year ago that I got my first run-in with kidney stones which left me stuck on my couch for several days. Julie called to check up on me and told me I should try doing what her kids do to pass the time. Play Neopets. She promised a land of lots of games. Always in search for new ways to procrastinate, I went ahead and created a Neopet and started playing games and earning points. It's been a year today that I signed on for the first time. I'm almost a millionaire in Neopia now. I'm a Neonerd. Do you still love me?
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