People say that you attract people who are like you. Apparantly I'm a huge freak. I'm Emily. The not so attractive, should be in a straight jacket, Weirdo Magnet.

Boy One: GAVIN
He was my quasi-boyfriend for over a year. I say quasi-boyfriend because at no point did I actually like him. I just went out with him because he told me I was pretty and would sneak out of his house at night to come visit me. Sometimes, he bought be pretty things. I liked that. But then he wanted make out. I'd kissed him. Lots. But I wasn't about to make out with him. He ate lotion for crying out loud. No, no. Also, he'd created a great habit of following me everywhere, and telling me and writing me notes about how he wanted me to marry him, etc. So I broke up with him. He got upset. Gavin's a psycho. He threatened to commit suicide. We renegotiated and got back together. But then I remembered that I didn't like him. Not even a little bit. So I put his friend on babysitting duty and dumped him again. He never committed suicide but I got some pretty creepy letters... and a few bizarre phone calls...

Boy Two: GROPER
I don't remember this guy's real name. He was the first guy I went on a date with (besides Prom and Jason who doesn't count) since Gavin. I met him on campus and his opening line was, "Have we met before?" No. "Not even in the pre-existence?" Awkward laugh. He's kidding. Wow, that was really funny that he used that. I'm amused. But where did he take me? To General Conference. Weird. But it was okay. I really wanted to go to General Conference. At least I wouldn't have a whole lot of awkward first date talk. So we stand in line for General Conference. The line wraps around Temple Square a couple of times and then goes through it to the new Conference Center. Did I mention that the line was long? Yes, very long. We talked. We talked about his home country (I don't remember where... no, I do... Brazil!) and how he learned about the Church and when he got baptized and about his travels, etc). "And so I come here for a wife." I freeze. Hmmm. That's not funny. And now that I've been talking to him, he wasn't being funny with that pick-up line either. Oh, no. He reaches out and puts his arm around me. Downhill. Falling downhill. We walk past the SLC Temple. "One day we will go in there together. When do you think that will happen?" On the 4th of... NEVER!!!!! Oh, dear... what do I do? Well, we're almost to the Conference Center and then Conference will begin and he'll have to back off because you can't talk through Conference. Genius. But apparantly hands can say a whole lot more. Through the whole Conference he was touching me. I know he must have only had two hands but they were everywhere. I was tempted on more than one occasion to yell, "President Hinckley! HELP ME!!!!" But I knew that that would be no good. Not a good way to make friends. So I sat through it until Conference was over. We met my friends outside and I did the best I could to get out of there fast. Groper called two or three times everyday after that. He was the only guy I've ever stood up. And eventually, I told him that I moved and left no forwarding address or number. Goodbye, Groper.

Boy Three: Stewart
I had to go back and look his name up. But his name is Stewart. He found me on some Microsoft Profile or something. I think I posted it around four years ago when I created my email address. "My name is Stewart and I'm from Malaysia. Hopefully we can hook up sometime and meet in persons." It started. Now he emails me, and emails me, and emails me... insisting that we go out. No, Stewart! NO!!!!!

Boy Four: Sam? Stan?
I'm not really sure. He's from Lousiana. He called a few weeks ago. It was a wrong number. He started asking me all kinds of questions and I responded with "Uh-huh... okay..." apparantly he likes that in a girl. "You're really funny!" He said. "It's hard to find funny girls like you. You must be pretty. We should go out." Uh-h... wait a minute! No. We hung up. That's the end of Sam...na? But, no. He called back yesterday. I guess he's not that kind of guy that gets discouraged just because a girl hangs up on him.

And now the roommates ask... "Em, why won't you date?" But the answer is so simple. If he likes me, then there's something definitely wrong with him. It's best to just RUN AWAY!!!!!!